Sunday, June 5, 2011

I'm coming undone, and someone's a liar!

The thirteen year cicadas have erupted from the ground and it is like a plague of insects here. They swarm, their mating calls are droning and deafening. But this is not about those winged creatures who will be gone by the end of the month. This post is about another aggravating pest.

I've seen them a lot lately, maybe you have too? Out of the corner of my eye. In front of my face. In the shower. In my glass of milk. Sitting at the computer staring at the screen. Talking to parents during parent-teacher conferences. They are as black as an ant, as fast as a fly, smaller than a size 10 font period, and they are driving me crazy. I swat like a crazy woman at these black dots. I scream when I catch unexpected movement in the room.

"I thought someone was in the room." I laugh. My husband doesn't.

I squeal when I discover one in my milk, shake the contents of my glass like a bartender mixing a martini, but the fleck never surfaces. I'm not about to swallow the drowned blip, so I pour out my milk. Okay, I've actually used a tea strainer and coffee filter to find it. Haven't yet!

I've splatted those little suckers on the mirror and whacked the heck out of the computer screen, but surprisingly they are gutless. I know for sure I GOT IT this time, and then, no trace of it, anywhere.

In the shower, I spy the aggravators on the white tile. Cautiously, I roll up that wet wash cloth and smack like I'm chasing my hubby. Creepy damn things disappear before my eyes.

During a parent-teacher conference, I watched the pest whiz in front of me. I clapped my hands once. Opened my palms and saw, NOTHING! The parents looked at me. I clapped again and said, "I applaud you for a job well done. Your child is a joy."

They smiled and nodded. I caught their sideways glances ... and then I saw that little bugger again, but I held my hands in my lap the way I expect my students to do at story time. I know how hard it is to have restraint.

These black specks are making a fool of me, or causing me to make a fool of myself.

Just researched the little devils. They are called floaters.

Speaking of floaters. You can learn all about a real floater. She's a braggart, an embellisher and she's accusing me of unspeakable acts using duct tape. See her previous post about my grandchild. Go to this site to find out about her!

You'll learn about how abbreviated versions sometimes have more impact than a lie. Seriously, try this exercise. Write a 500 word essay. Reduce it to its abbreviated version, a poem, and witness how you have strengthened and supported your story like a broken arm in a cast.


Carol said...

Oh, the little buggers!
I do enjoy the rise and fall of the song of the cicadas, though. Just don't want to have direct contact with them!

jabblog said...

I've had floaters all my life - sometimes they're more noticeable than others. I used to try and 'see' them but could never quite catch them. Ignore them - they won't go away but at least you won't drive yourself mad trying to obliterate them;-)

Odie Langley said...

I have had floaters for a long time and usually don't see them until i am at a computer screen.
We have not had cicadas in our area yet but used to see and hear them all the time where I lived before I married Linda.

Sioux said...

Floaters ARE aggravating. I think they've gotten worse with--dare I say it?---age.

Val Thevictorian said...

No floaters yet. But I have cicadas. By the bushel.

Dianna Graveman said...

Oh, I have those, too, Linda! Annoying!

Susan said...

Oh no, Linda. I've never had floaters and hope I never do. Susan

Thisisme. said...

I'm glad I don't have the cicadas here! I'm very fortunate in that I don't have floaters, but several of my friends have and I believe they can be so irritating. I feel for you Linda!!