Thursday, September 8, 2011

Scary hair

Years ago, before blogging, an editor exchanged emails with me. She asked me to describe myself. I told her that my hair color depended on the time of the month, and no it had nothing to do with that time. First week of the month my hair is dark brown, next week it is medium brown, third week it is light brown and from there on it fades to shades of red to brassy orange. It doesn't look too bad indoors or on cloudy days; it's when the sun is shining and I catch a glimpse of myself in a window or the car mirror. And you don't even want to know what I say when I see my hair color in a dressing room mirror. Artificial hair color under artificial lighting... by the last day of the month, I look like I have Heinz 57 mutt hair.

I'm letting my locks grow, like an old lady's last hurrah, at my granddaughter's urging. My hair is poker straight, and curling it everyday is a pain. I can't wear straight hair; my ears stick out like Patricia Heaton's (The wife on Everybody Loves Raymond).

My hairdresser puts up with me. I say, "Chop it and don't ever let me grow my hair this long again; I look like Hillary Clinton." She smiles and nods. She cuts my hair, and I say, "OMG! I look like Laura Bush." She smiles and nods. She can't win, but she puts up with me.

I'm at that in between stage where I can't stand my hair. And one more thing, Miss Clairol and I are going to have a talk. I think she's watering her formula down.

19 comments:

Karen Lange said...

This is so funny, Linda! I can relate; I have this love/super dislike relationship with my hair. As I've gotten older, it leans more often toward the negative. Oh well...:)

BECKY said...

My thin hair is getting thinner and thinner as I get...ahem..slightly older. I'm so afraid I'm going to need Hans Wiemann! :o

Val Thevictorian said...

As a teacher who has combed her hair with a plastic fork just before first bell on more than one occasion...I don't have any advice to offer.

Debora said...

Just when I'd found a suitable style for my thick, straight hair, it turned curly...but only on the sides. It's taken quite a while to find a way to style it. Your pics look very nice...you are probably your own biggest critic.

Patti said...

Want to hear something funny. I have the very opposite problem. My hair is super curly...has been since puberty. So, for the last 35 years, I have straightened my hair nearly every single day of my life. I am quite thankful for the person that invented the flatiron...it makes my life MUCH easier. I can actually get my hair straight in about 5 minutes...sure beats the orange juice cans I used to sleep on.

I don't think there's a woman in the world who is satisfied with her hair.

Blessings,
Patti

June Freaking Cleaver said...

My hair is long enough for a ponytail, and that's how I usually fix it.

Do I like it that way? Nope. I hate it.

But it's easy, and I can get by on two kitchen cuts a year. If I'm ever fortunate enough to get a job, I will once again return to something shorter so my fine hair isn't flat and weighed down.

And when The Mister insists one more time that I am high maintenance, I will stomp on his instep.

Kathleen said...

I completely sympathise. I'm going to get my hair cut this morning and I can't wait. I've been trying to grow it into a short bob style, I wanted to hide my ears too. I'm sure they've grown in the last few years. Anyway now I've got the bob I'm going back to my short layered style. I'll be happy then... I think!

Linda O'Connell said...

You all are making ME laugh. So, I feel better that I am not alone. Thanks for stopping by.

Thisisme. said...

Hee Hee! Funny post for me to smile about today. I'm exactly the same with my hairdresser. Sometimes I want it short, then I want it long! I wish I had straight hair = it's something I've always wanted. We're never satified, are we?! Hope you have a lovely weekend.

Janet, said...

I so understand the 'hair' thing. I usually let mine grow longer in the summer so I can put it up in a ponytail off of my neck and then keep it shorter in the winter. Crazy - huh? And I don't even want to go into the color thing. And, my hair gets wavy when I let it get long.

Bookie said...

I tell my hairdresser I have reached an age to just cut the hair off. She says not yet, that she will tell when it is time. I am glad she sticks with me because short hair will make me look more like Humpty Dumpty than ever!

Chatty Crone said...

I have to straighten my hair. And my hair color changes from the beginning to the end too! HA HA HA! Love this. sandie

Claudia Moser said...

A very funny post today, you made me smile, thank you!

jabblog said...

Very funny! Some women do enjoy going to the hairdresser - not this one, though!

Lynn said...

I usually have constant scary hair - definitely every morning. I thought it'd be fun to create a book with pictures of morning hair. After three days of photographing myself, I couldn't stand looking at myself any more. Instead of a funny book, it would have been a horror book!

irishoma said...

How funny! Every time I've seen you, you look great.
My hair used to be dark brown and when it started turning gray I colored it then gave up because it grows quickly. Now it's white. And I'm okay with that.
donna

Sioux said...

I'm a Heinz 57 mutt (hair-wise) too. My students--when they draw pictures of me--sometimes choose a bright orange crayon for my hair (when it's been freshly "dipped") and later on, they turn to rat-gray.

These last few times, I also dyed my eyebrows a bit, and while the solution was "setting" on one occasion, I went outside to the mailbox. Of course, when the solution is first put on, it's almost clear--barely visible. However, by the time I went out, the color of the solution was so dark, I looked like a clown--pasty white skin and dark, extra large eyebrows. Horrifying! (I now know why some people are afraid of clowns.)

Linda O'Connell said...

Lynn and Sioux, I have laughed so hard, I have hiccups.

Tammy said...

What a fun post! I too can relate. It's getting so that friends will occasionally comment that my hair is a different color. I tell them it's *always* a different color.