Celebrate the moments of your life

I look at Nicole, granddaughter #2, so thrilled with the balloons from her cousin's bridal shower, and I can't help but be overwhelmed with love and nostalgia and sadness for granddaughter #1. Ashley will be married in a few weeks. How can she possibly be twenty-two and a half years old? Seems only yesterday that she was four years old, like Nicole.

I imagine each balloon filled with whispered wishes and dreams. I know for a fact that sometimes wishes go unfullfilled, and dreams can easily escape in a whispered rush, a slow leak, a droopy letdown. I wish both of "Nana's girls" a lifetime of happiness and dreams come true.

I wish all of you success in getting published in one of these two publications advertised in Funds for Writers, by Hope Clark, author of Low Country Bribe, an exciting mystery, now available!

SLICEhttp://www.slicemagazine.org/submit.html
We are thrilled to announce that all contributors of Slice
will be paid ($100 for stories and essays and $50 for poems)
beginning with issue 12, which will launch spring 2013. The
issue 12 reading period will run from July 1 - August 31.
The theme for that issue is "Obsession." Slice magazine
welcomes submissions for short fiction, nonfiction, and poetry.
We're looking for anyone with a fresh voice and a compelling
story to share--basically any work that really knocks our socks
off.

GOOD HOUSEKEEPINGhttp://www.goodhousekeeping.com/about/good-housekeeping-contributors-guidelines---
Good Housekeeping addresses 25 million women. Most are married
with children (anywhere from newborn to college age, but
predominantly in the 6-12 age group) and work outside the home.
Submissions will be reviewed for the Blessings column on the back
page. Submissions should be 500 words, about a person or event that
proved to be a blessing in your life. We will also review health
narratives -- stories of women (or a family member) who've overcome
a significant medical problem, undergone a medical "first" or had
a dramatic rescue.

Anne Lamott...telling it the way it is and was

Local writer, Sioux and I had an up close visit with author, Anne Lamott and Sam, her gorgeous twenty-two year old son who co-authored her latest book, Some Assembly Required: A Journal of my Son's First Son. I was as close as the second row, aisle seat, direct line of eye contact with the mother of all mothers, writer of all writers. Anne and Sam read excerpts and shared family and parenting antecdotes.

Sam read about being anxious for his son's umbilical cord to fall off, and when it did, he thought Jax's guts were exposed and he needed immediate surgery. Actually, his navel was still gooey. The audience laughed loud and long.

Anne is such a real person, as vulnerable and humble a writer as you and I. She's a Nana who admits she has some control issues, but she is trying. She told us how her unmarried nineteen year old son had told her he'd offered his couch to a young woman. "Couch, uh-huh, (Sam actually blushed) and now I have a two and a half year old grandson."

Parenting, writing, living, loving, learning, day by day, one moment at a time; looking back, looking forward, doing our best ... their messages were honest, humorous, meaningful, spiritual and powerful. They spoke from the heart about being a family. They are on Twitter @annelamott and @SAMLAMOTT (all caps).

Are you willing to share your family stories?
Publishing Syndicate has thirty-five anthology titles in development. I am co-creating, Not Your Mother's Book...On Family. Dianna Graveman, is co-creating two NYMB anthologies: Not Your Mother's Book...On Being a Mom, and Not Your Mother's Book...On Becoming a Mom. The stories are arriving daily.

Who doesn’t have a slew of great stories to share when it comes to their family? From funny family stories handed down through the generations to more current happenings that will one day turn into family legend, we want to hear them all. No holds barred.

Tentative Chapter Titles:

• I'm No Chicken! (wild antics)

• I'm Telling! You're in Trouble! (zany things you overheard, participated in or
witnessed)

• Dinner, down and dirty (stirring the pot, dishing it out, family mealtime)

• Forget the closet! (discovering family skeletons in a drawer, under a mattress, in
a letter)

• I inherited what? (keepsakes, antiques and quirks)

• Waiting in line for the john, the jam and the juice (sharing cramped spaces,
clothes)

• Ringleaders (your family circus guru, leader of your pack)

• Family reunions (unforgettable in so many ways; the missing link)

If you have other topic ideas, please send a first person essay. Submission guidelines

You know your sibling would tell on you! Beat him or her to the punch. Do you have a flaky relative?

Expectant mothers, tell us about your experiences. Shhh, I'll share one about me. My water broke, filled my blue suede shoes and when the doctor came in, he gasped when he saw me on the delivery table with dyed blue feet.

All you moms out there, I know that you have tales to tell. Your kids spilled the milk, now you can spill the goods. What made you laugh, cringe, gasp or cry?

Sam? Sam who?

It has been a rainy afternoon, one of those days when you want to go get a pizza, munch a brownie, and then take a nap. I am not admitting to doing any of this. The scale will reveal the truth on Sunday.

I fell asleep before the end of Jeopardy and woke up as the evening news was going off. Ninety minutes of repeated negativity. The nap was better, but it left me with half a brain.

The phone rang. Hubby said, "I'm meeting Robin at Sam's."

I asked, "Who is that?"

"Robin, my daughter. Are you awake?"

"Yes! I know who Robin is, but who is SAM?'

"Sam's Club."

"Ohhh! Okay."

I thought a cup of black coffee (and another bite of brownie) might jog the gray matter. I sat down at the computer and clicked the PASSWORD space. I waited and I clicked; I waited, clicked again, and I nibbled and I drank, and I mumbled, and I finally said, "What is wrong with you, dumb computer?"

What was wrong was the dumb computer operator hadn't ENTERED her password, just kept clicking the word, PASSWORD.

Another day in Linda's Looney World!

In all fairness, I needed that nap. I taught preschool today, and I wrote and submitted two stories, and I spent a couple of hours working on the anthology that I am co-creating for Publishing Syndicate. I hope that Dianna Graveman, who is the co-creator of two of the Not Your Mother's Books had a restful afternoon, too.

Please consider submitting your stories to an anthology I am co-creating, Not Your Mother's Book...On Family, and also send your first person stories to Not Your Mother's Book...On Being a Mom, and Not Your Mother's Book...On Moms-to-Be.

Guidelines for submitting through the website to more than thirty titles in development:
http://publishingsyndicate.com/publishing_syndicate/submissions/nymb_submit_guidelines.html

Married Life

So excited and I just can't hide it! My story, The Odd Couple, made the final cut and will be published in Chicken Soup Married Life! in June 2012.

Being married isn't any easier for the husband than it is for the wife. Sometimes it's like using a spoon to feed jelly beans to this small-mouthed Cookie Monster.

Best of intentions can go awry. It takes practice to achieve success. And sometimes you have to ask for a do over, just like these kids in my class.


Couples don't always speak the same language, and even when they do, interpretation can be misconstrued, because they don't always convey what they really mean. Partners are not mind readers, although ... some wives always seem to know what their husbands are thinking.

Communication is the key to all relationships. Be careful what spills out of your mouth when you are talking, and be concise when spilling words onto paper.

PUBLISHING OPPORTUNITY Submission period open for Not Your Mother's Book...On Family, that I am co-creating.
Dianna Graveman is also co-creating two of the anthologies: Not Your Mother's Book...On Being a Mom, and also Not Your Mother's Book...On Moms-to-Be. Submission form and guidelines for stories can be found here:
http://publishingsyndicate.com/publishing_syndicate/submissions/nymb_submit_guidelines.html
There are more than thirty titles in development. Please pass the word along to anyone who might be interested. Won't you send your stories too?

Butt, I am trying...

My story, The Cookie Chronicles in Chicken Soup Shaping the New You, is available for $4.99 in e-book form. I didn't just shape a new me; I had to SCULPT a new me by the time those Christmas Cookies were gone.

Most of my adult life I weighed 125 pounds, but when I married my honey, we were happy, ate well, and I had a lot less stress in my life. Those twenty "happily married" pounds crept up on my hips and hiney and filled in my mid-region fat cells. Packing peanut butt, thunder thighs, jelly belly. I belittled myself, exercised and ... munched myself fifteen pounds heavier. No more. I am eating right and exercising.

One morning I awoke groggy with my hand on my thigh. I squeezed it, felt it again. Panicked! It was guy-size. Who in the world am I in bed with? Oh NO, not himmmmm! I'm married to Bill now. I startled awake and broke out in a sweat when I realized it was my own leg. Thank goodness Bill was working night shift. He'd have heard this woman panting breathlessly and taken it all wrong.

It is about time I do something about my hippo hiney, jelly belly and thunder thighs. I am determined to loose ten pounds of packing peanuts by July 1st. I have lost two pounds in two weeks. Bill has lost 27 pounds in 12 weeks.

I have to get in shape for shorts, or else it will be capris all summer.
I wish I could tell you that my gams are gorgeous, but to be honest, they're more like a couple of Easter hams on stilts.

Butt, I am still trying!

***
Chicken Soup for the Soul is doing a special promotion on 12 of its e-books. The e-book is available for half price, at $4.99, on all the major e-book platforms including Amazon Kindle, B&N Nook, Apple iTunes Store for iPad and other "i" devices, Kobo, Sony, etc.

Most of the e-book retailers also give you a button to click on to give e-books as gifts so this is a great way to send the e-book to a relative or a friend who has an e-book reader.

Here's the list:
Chicken Soup for the Soul: A Book of Miracles
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Campus Chronicles
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Country Music
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Inspiration for the Young at Heart
Chicken Soup for the Soul: My Cat's Life
Chicken Soup for the Soul: My Dog's Life
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Runners
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Shaping the New You
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Teens Talk High School
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Teens Talk Middle School
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Think Positive
Chicken Soup for the Soul: True Love

Quackin' and yackin'

Two weeks of unseasonably warm/hot weather, and now, spring has sprung. Pollen is in the air. Look at my puffy eyes. But I am so happy. When I looked out the door and saw that our little red bud tree had blossomed overnight, I had to go talk to it.

"Well, aren't you as pretty as a picture? You just keep on growing, and one day you are going to be a big shade tree. Drink all the rain water that you can."

Bill caught me whispering sweet nothings. "What ARE you doing? You aren't talking TO that tree, are you?"

"What would you say if I told you I was talking to myself?"

He shook his head, snapped a picture and laughed.

"I am coaxing this baby to grow. Carbon dioxide helps growing things bloom."

He's my funny honey. He said, "Come here baby, and let me breathe on YOU."


If only I'd had my camera with me when the racket in the sky caught our attention. They were a few feet above our heads. A duck was in hot pursuit and inches away from a crow. That duck was snapping and quacking trying to bite that crow's tail. I've seen a flock of small birds dive bomb a hawk or crow, but I have never seen an attack duck. I'm telling you, it was a sight to behold.

But then, Bill would say the same thing about me talking to the tree.

Ckick for guidelines:
SUBMISSION OPPORTUNITY. I am co-creating an anthology, Not Your Mother's Book...ON Family, for Publishing Syndicate. Dianna Graveman is co-creating Not Your Mother's Book...On Being a Mom. Please submit a story. There are more than 30 titles in development.

A tip of my hat to the leprechaun

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all of you wearin' the green and tippin' your hat. That green beer will get you if you don't watch out.

Ashley, my first granddaughter, was in my class almost twenty years ago. The leprechaun leaves his little footprints every year and spills his (fake) gold, pennies and sparkly things all over the room. He even visits the bathroom. Oh my, he jumps on the toilet paper roll and the toilet seat. You should hear those kids squeal. EVERYone wants to tell me and take my hand so I can come see it. I tsk-tsk and say, "That naughty little leprechaun!"

We try to trap him, but you know those sly little guys. We've never caught one yet.
It is one of the most exciting, wild and memorable days.

Ashley was about seven years old, questioning the truth about Santa, the Easter bunny and tooth fairy. As I was driving, she expressed her doubts and asked about the leprechaun. I said, "Seriously, they are everywhere, but they don't want you to see them or catch them."

No sooner did I say that, a gust of wind lifted a large, bright irridescent green potato chip bag a few inches off the ground. It skittered in front of the car and dropped out of sight into a ditch.

The most verbose little girl in the world was speechless. When she caught her breath, she screeched, "I saw a leprechaun! I believe-I believe!"

I believe I laughed until tears rolled. That was divine providence, or an interference from leprechaun land. Ashley recently told me that she thought she had really seen a leprechaun scamper in front of the car and into the ditch that day.

St. Louis has two huge St. Patty's celebrations, one in an area called Dogtown, where the Hibernians celebrate with a parade and day-long partying. There is also a parade downtown.

Many years ago, I took my students on a field trip to the downtown area on March 18th. As the children got off the bus, there were some young, green-clad revelers sprawled at the curb still sippin' the suds.

"Teacher, is that a leprechaun?"

"Does he have an orange beard?"

"No, his beer is green."

I shook my head. What else could I do?

Be careful...kids are watching.

Do a little jig, and hurry over here for some great advice for writers. Jennifer Brown Banks has a guest, Noelle Sterne, whose advice is spot on.