Friday, September 21, 2012

I am not a klepto

I have a confession. Don't judge me too harshly. Don't hang a label on me. Please don't like me less.

I get sticky fingers when I eat at a particular buffet in town that piles platters high with buttery, mouth-watering chocolate chip cookies. Whenever we're planning to visit any of our children after our meal, I nonchalantly make my way to the dessert bar and fill my dessert plate with 3-4 cookies, depending on whose house we are going to visit. If it is a daughter with 3 kids, I snatch four cookies; if it's a son or daughter with two kids, I snatch three cookies. The math doesn't add up, you say? Well, let me explain. I always order a cup of coffee and make a big production out of dunking and devouring one of those cookies. I reach for the napkin holder, pretend I'm wiping the crumbs from my mouth and throw the wadded napkin over the stack of grandkid cookies, then I shove them in my purse.

The kids are older now. I honestly haven't had sticky fingers in a while, because the kids are mostly teenagers. They always thought of those delightful treats as Nana's cookies, even though their parents laughed in my face and said, "Been to the buffet, again?" The grandkids never caught on. The oldest grandson, 19 came to visit. I asked, "Want a cookie, Hon?"

You know what he had the nerve to say? "Oh did you and Gramps just come from the buffet?"

"How long have you known?"

He laughed!

Okay so now you know my secret. Confession is good for the soul. One can only hide from the truth for so long before it catches up.

All of our kids have dogs. Lately, every time we visit, the dogs go crazy sniffing my purse. I haven't snatched a "grandkid" cookie for a long-long time. Tic Tacs? Did that do it for dogs? I couldn't figure it out until the other day.

When I dumped the contents of my summer purse, bacon bits sprinkled the Tic Tacs, the tissues, the loose coins. I was flabbergasted. "What the heck? How did bacon get in my purse?"

Bill looked at me from his recliner, smiled wickedly, and said, "How indeed?!"

Honest! I have never swiped bacon. Then I remembered. On vacation we ate at Shoney's breakfast bar. I placed three strips of crisp bacon on my plate. I set my plate down and there were only two strips. I accused you know who of stealing a piece of MY bacon. It must have fallen off the mound of hash browns and landed in my purse, so many weeks ago.

Maybe now the dogs will leave me alone.

17 comments:

Donna Volkenannt said...

Cute story, Linda, especially the part about the bacon in your purse.

Bookie said...

I should take lessons from you! I haven't taken cookies but I hate to waste those packets of salt and sugar from places. I toss them in my purse and then go to the bottom where eventually they spill. Makes a mess eventually but I never learn...fear of waste overrides my common sense.

noexcuses said...

Love your story! I can't wait to steal your idea when I have my own grandkids...in the next millenium!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Bringing home the bacon just took on a whole new meaning! Reminds me of a trip to a Chinese buffet with my daughter and new son-in-law. I never feel like I eat the amount I pay for ..... But, my son-in-law can really pack it away. This day, though, he did not know about the free meal coming his way and he ate before we went! After only one trip to the food bar he sat back and said he was full. My daughter looked at him and said, "You get back up there and get my mom's money's worth!" He did.

Beth M. Wood said...

Love this little story! I do have a bit of a problem myself... maybe I'll Digress in a future blog. : )

Susan Sundwall said...

You know, moldy purse bacon is what dogs love best. =0)

Alice said...

Loved your story. If we're going to confess our sins, I must admit whenever I eat Chinese with friends and my husband isn't included, I snatch up a couple of crab rangoon, his favorite, and stuff them into a napkin.
Ah, now that I've come clean I feel better already.

Joanne Noragon said...

My brother was banned from the Chinese buffet in town. At least you can still go back and then get cookies.

Val said...

I'm surprised we haven't seen you on the news, Pied-Pipering dogs throughout the bi-state area.

Susan said...

Ha ha ha ha ha That was funny, Linda. The cookies story AND the bacon one. The last was a real "sizzler." ha ha ha
Thanks for sharing and thanks for yoru visit and comment on my blog.
Susan

Kim said...

Daniel would have followed that purse home...he loves him some bacon.

Sioux said...

I thought I had seen your photo in the post office. Linda O'Connell--the criminal mastermind behind the Bacon and Cookie Caper.

If you need somewhere to hide until the heat cools off, let me know...

Janet Smart said...

How funny. I must admit I've did that before and I don't have any grandkids.

Tammy said...

This is so funny, Linda! Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry ends up with mutton in his pockets.

Mevely317 said...

How this made me laugh, Linda!
... and reminded me of my own mother -- whose "weakness" was the little cracker packages and butter patties.
As a kid, I'd be soooo embarrassed, but what I'd give to eat "out" with her one more time.

Lynn said...

Oh my gosh, this is so funny. Love it.

Carol said...

Hilariously and wonderfully told, as usual. What a great story!