Sunday, October 21, 2012

We're all adults here


I need to tell someone.
I couldn't believe my eyes when I clicked on the computer this morning at 5:00 and read,
Dear Mr. O,
Your order for sanitary lubricant
has been shipped from Amazon.

I read and reread. I researched the product: non toxic, edible, petrol lube that could also be used on dairy cows. What the heck? I was flustered and my mind was spinning all sorts of possibilities. My imagination was running rampant and my pulse was keeping pace. It was all I could do to wait for hubby to wake up.

Cheerful as ever, he walked into the study and said, "Good morning."
I looked him in the eye and said, "Is there something you want to tell me? Or that I need to know?"

"I love you?"
"No!"

"I'll throw the laundry in?"
"What did you order personal lubricant for?" My words came out thick as molasses.

He looked at me speechless and dumbfounded.

"Well?"
Hesitantly he said, "Umm, (never a good sign!) for the meat slicer I bought at Sears yesterday. The drive gear, pivot points and blade have to be lubricated before using it. The brochure said to use Vaseline, but when I went to Wal-Mart and read the label, it said, This product is not to be used orally."

I exhaled deeply and laughed out loud when he told me he'd asked the paharmacist if they carried edible Vaseline behind the counter. Let me just say that my facial expression probably didn't compare to the pharmacist's. The guy just looked at him. When hubby explained the intended use, the guy referred him to Amazon.

Whew! It's heck to have a writer's mind.

26 comments:

Chatty Crone said...

That was so cute - I can imagine that happening. My mind has been known to run away at times too!

Mevely317 said...

Linda, I'm dying over here! ... This is the funniest thing I've seen in ages.
Ah, the joys of having a communal e-mail account!

Sioux said...

Linda-
Bill--with carefully chosen steps, avoided stepping in a pile of...well, a pile of edible vaseline.

You two are a chuckle (or more) every day.

Susan said...

ha ha ha ha ha That was a funny one! Poor Bill. Susan

Val said...

Such an innovator! So selfless, to go to such lengths to protect the people who will be eating his meat.

BECKY said...

Yep, I agree with Val! Bill is definitely a riot!! :)

jabblog said...

Love it! There's a market out there for oral Vaseline!!

Susan Sundwall said...

So - you passed on the offer to throw the laundry in? Boy, talk about being shaken to the core. LOL Great story!

Cathy C. Hall said...

Hahahahaha! I don't know what's funnier--you, reading that Amazon order or hubby asking about edible Vaseline.

Hahahahahaa! See? I can't choose.HA!

Diane Estrella said...

With my husband, the options could have been endless as to why he might have needed that. I usually don't even try to guess. Have a great week! :O)

Kim said...

Thanks for the big laugh today - though The Boy keeps asking me what I'm laughing about (and I'm not about to tell him).

sparkle100-havealook.blogspot.com said...

oh my. I am laughing. I can just see your face at the beginning.

I bet we all know what you were thinking. Ha,ha.

Thanks for ticking blog.

Thumbs up!

thisisme said...

Hi Linda. This was SO funny. I can imagine the thoughts that raced through your mind when your read that e mail! I shouldn't go into that Pharmicist for a while If I were you!!

Kelley Highway said...

Positively hilarious! Gotta appreciate the concern the man has for everyone's, um, health!

K9friend said...

It's great to find a product that has such a multitude of purposes!

Pat
Critter Alley

Pearl said...

Your husband is delightful.

And dang good blog fodder. :-)

Pearl

Kathy's Klothesline said...

He read the label on the vaseline!!
I want to know what the pharmacist said when he asked for edible vaseline .......

Lynn said...

Hilarious.

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Oh, the look on the pharmacist's face had to be priceless. Hahaha...

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

Does this come under the heading of, "unapproved uses?"

LOL!

Tammy said...

Oh, Linda. I'm so glad I read this first thing in the morning! I have now had a thorough laughter workout. That dialogue is absolutely priceless!

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