Saturday, July 12, 2014

Mama said there'd be days like this

The things you learn at family get-togethers. I had no idea my mom was a drug dealer, a pusher!
My cousin (our moms were sisters) said, "Your mom was so much fun. When she came to visit my mom, she and I would always sneak outside and smoke. She told me once her doctor had prescribed Percodan for her pain, and she offered me one, so I took it."

What! My sweet innocent little mother? I'm sure she meant well.

She was always dishing out advice...and OMG drugs...but she never took advice. The doctor would prescribe 10 milligrams of something or other for this or that, and she'd say, "No, I am only going to take five, because I know my body better than you do."

I just visited Val's blog, She's on summer break, trying to escape her shadow, other wise known as Hick, her husband. Where she goes, he follows. She slid down the pew at the funeral to talk to her aunt and he followed like a handcuffed prisoner. I know of what she speaks.

I am also on summer break. My late mom, the drug pusher, told me there would be days like this. I thought she was just irritated with my stepdad, her husband of forty plus years.
"You just wait. When they get older, they follow you around."

Not my big guy. He's a busy body. He yaps at the neighbors, his ripening tomatoes, the rabbits procreating in the backyard. He watches sci-fi or OH MY! TV dramas. There's always someone screaming or being shot at or captured in our house. Whatever makes him happy, as long as he allows me time to write in peace.

This evening I went to the kitchen to take my calcium. He stood behind me, CLOSER THAN MY SHADOW and towered over me, and reached into the cabinet for HIS meds.

I went to the computer room to do some writing. He left the moaners and groaners blaring in the living room, and followed me into the office. I sat down to write. He turned on his laptop and cranked up the volume on a You Tube Video about Ford cars or GPS devices that won't take his commands. He looked over at me, "This going to bother you?"

I grunt, "Huh-uh."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHCCCHHHHOOOOOOOOOO!

I rolled my eyes.

He said, "God bless me." I didn't know if he was asking me to do it, so I allowed him to ask for his own blessing.

Then he rhino blasted again clear across the room.

I stopped typing.

"Bless me. (Not excuse me!) I must be getting old. I only sneeze twice in a row, lately."

"Bless you!" I say as he horse snorted the third one in my direction.

"Is this video bothering you?"

"No, honey." I shut down the desk top computer. He shut down his laptop.

Shadow dancing, that's what we do when we both shove our chairs back and exit the room.

I love my big old guy, and I know he loves me, but sometimes it gets stuffy. Do you know what I mean? 

12 comments:

Sioux said...

Yes! I was with a young people on Thursday--all in their 20's and 30's--and when I said I'd been married for 27 years, they wanted to know the secret of a long marriage.

Not having a working woodchipper, is what I THOUGHT about saying...

Tell Sasquatch to go into the swamp for a day or two, so you can get some writing done. Or, I know a writer who would LOVE to spend time with him...

Bookie said...

I do SO know what you mean!!!!!!!!!! Read exasperation between my lines!!!

Val said...

Uh huh. I know EXACTLY what you mean. You're preachin' to the choir!

noexcuses said...

Yep! You nailed this one! We ought to form a club! We should have a clubhouse...at a lake somewhere... preferably with internet! It will be a quiet, relaxing place where no outsiders are allowed...unless we need a diversion! Good post, Linda!

Susan said...

ha ha hahahah Yep. I know. But it's SO much better than being alone all the time, like women whose loves have gone to the other side. I'll take the frustration any day.

Thanks for all your visits, Linda. ACHOOO! Bless me. ha hahaha Susan

Tammy said...

Had a great Sunday morning laugh here. Maybe you could follow in Mom's footsteps and drug him.

Lisa Claro said...

Yes. And I'll so no more for fear of incriminating myself.

Daisy said...

Ha! Yes, I do know of what you speak. Absence makes the heart grow fonder comes to mind. :D

Lynn said...

I suppose I'm still lucky, as I don't have this issue... yet.

River said...

I see your mistake. When he asks if something is bothering you, you need to say yes! please leave me alone for half an hour or so to get some work done. When he is behind you closer than your shadow? Step back. ONTO his toes! don't be wearing stilettos though, that's painful. Let him know you need your personal space, no matter how much you love each other.

Janet, said...

My problem is that my husband won't go anywhere without me. Sometimes I'd just love to stay at home and get things done. It is hard to do when he wants me to go to Wal Mart with him or go get gas with him or just go. Before he retired, I used to get a lot more done.

Kim said...

Just one reason why I'm glad I have a job. Now that he's home all day, he wants to know exactly when I'll be home after work. Dinner is ready when I come in, so I let his persnickety, lonely wife thing slide.