Wants and needs...what's your opinion?

The leaves are beginning to fade. IF the weather ever cools, the trees will be bare, and I will curl into myself and cocoon. The temperature here has been in the 70s and will continue to be mild through Halloween. I am not complaining about that. I love fall. Life has been difficult the past few days, but the changing seasons are like life...wait a while and more changes will occur.

I saw this blue heron in the middle of the lake. Sometimes I feel like this: alone, trying to make a catch, hopeful, doing all the right things, and still waiting. I have submitted 70 essays this year. It seems all I do is wait, and half the time there isn't even so much as a rejection letter. It gets frustrating. When I landed an acceptance it was that "one that got away." Such is a writer's life.

This photo reminds me to have hope, stay strong, and believe in a power greater than mine or any physician, as we await results from my son's pathology report. He had melanoma on his right ear. Last week he had half of his exterior ear and also two lymph nodes removed. His ear was reconstructed, and it is now only half the size. Waiting a week to ten days seems like years. Jason has such a positive spirit and strong faith. I am proud of him.

During the week my aunt passed away, and now her sister is at risk due to a serious heart issue. Life is as hard as a stone sometimes, and can also be as beautiful as these wild flowers.

My cousins and I were all at our aunt's hospital bedside, and although she was in pain, she was lucid and spoke to each of us. We stood hand in hand and prayed. We hadn't seen one another in a long time. It was almost like a changing of the guard. Now WE are becoming the oldest generation in our family.

 I am thrilled to babysit  one of the youngest generation on Mondays. Liam happened to see the Halloween lawn inflatables at Wal-Mart. He asks each Monday if he can go see them, so on our way home I detour to the box store so he can look at them. He reassures himself and repeats everything I have told him to calm himself down. He has this little boy voice, "Don't be scared. It's okay. They won't hurt you. Just big balloons with a fan inside. Hot air blowing in. Right Nana?" He trusts and believes with the faith of a child.

 Well guess what? They had one inflatable left, but it was not the fire-breathing dragon he wanted to see. Life is full of disappointments, and also joy.

I attended an early education seminar once about "wants and needs." It's okay to WANT. If we routinely deny small children what they want, they sometimes grow into teens and adults who are unable to ask for what they NEED from a partner, a parent, a supervisor. We were urged to turn off our automatic NO response, and not over talk it: "You already have a ball and you don't need any more."

Often young children merely want the experience of holding an object, and when that need is satisfied, they can be distracted and onto the next thing in their lives.

When he saw a bin of balls he squealed, "Balls! I want the orange ball." I talked to the orange ball, NOT Liam, and said, "Orange ball, Liam is going to hold you, and then I will put you back in your bin."

 Bill looked at me like I was crazy. Liam was trying to process it all as he kept asking for one color after another until he was surrounded by balls. He was delighted. Then I took one ball at a time and put them back. I told Liam to say goodbye to the balls and tell them we'll be back soon. No fuss, no wailing. He had his wants and needs met. We were soon on our way home. That's really not spoiling. I did not buy all the balls.

We took a walk to the pumpkin patch on the corner, a little shop that sells seasonal things. He WANTED the biggest pumpkin. I acknowledged, instead of denied, and I did not reason with him on an adult level.

He realized he couldn't lift it. I didn't have to point out his inability.

I said, "Find one you can carry."



Well what do you know? That little one at his feet was just his size. And he came to that conclusion with out my convincing.

He sat in the grass with his pumpkin and was so excited when I told him we were going to color it with crayons.

And then I brought out a package of golf tees, and showed him how to hammer them into the pumpkin. We had a great time outdoors on this glorious, sunny fall day. If you wish to do this activity with a little one, you can further extend the educational part. Have the child scribble a paper, then cut out small shapes. Hole punch the center of each shape, then insert a golf tee into the hole and hammer a shape onto the pumpkin. Have fun.