Friday, April 21, 2017

Sabotaged by the thin one

A conversation with my alter ego


Me talking to myself: You know you really shouldn’t skip breakfast, and for a buck you can get a sausage/egg biscuit. Next exit, McDonalds! Pull in, sister.

No! No! NO! Fatso, you just keep driving. You know very well if you pull through that drive through, you’ll be pulling out with a cin-a-bun instead of a sausage biscuit.

Darn that crazy driver! I can’t get over; now I missed my Mickey D's exit.

Don’t worry Chunky Monkey, Schnucks Market is up ahead; buy yourself some fresh fruit.

Schnucks, yes, apples! Ahhh; their apple turnovers melt in my mouth.

Hey Butter Biscuit Butt, did you look in the mirror when you stuffed all that flab into your pants this morning? You’re not sucking in that gut as well as you used to.

Oh, whatever! I’m going to love myself the way I am.

The scale says there’s more of you to love, sugar dumpling. Still want that apple tart?

SHUT UP you little tart! I know I have 10 pounds to lose.

Heh-heh! 10? Kidding yourself again, Thunder Thighs?

Life is too short; I’m going to pull in and get an apple turnover.

Hey Bimbo, eat that turnover and soon you won’t be able to turn yourself over.

I am just going to love the skin I’m in.

Hey Pudge, they make Spanx that can suck in that skin you’re in.

Oh all right! I really don’t need the junk. I do need to eat better, and eat less. A lot less. I’ll be good and I’ll buy fruit, and I'll eat light all day today.

That-a-girl. Hey Fat Ass,

What?!

I just want to remind you there’s a free casino buffet coupon on your kitchen counter. They have a great selection of healthy vegetables, and oh those desserts: coconut cream pie, loaded brownies, eclairs, ice cream...



7 comments:

Val said...

Mmm...casino buffet! Which makes me really want a burger from Burger Brothers. You understand, I'm sure.

Sioux Roslawski said...

Linda--I have the same sorts of conversations with myself, but usually the "fat one" wins...

Bookie said...

This is a good one! We all have these talks...but from where I am sitting, we should not fret over the flab...life is to be enjoyed and it over soon enough. Moderation is the key for sure...imbibe and enjoy each bite when you can. Ah, it is supper time right now and I am already thinking of McDonald's bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits for tomorrow morning!

DUTA said...

Vegetables are healthy but don't satisfy hunger; protein (an egg, a small burger..) does that. Fruit as desert is ok.
The ideal dish is one that combines all three categories: carbs, protein, fruit. For example: 2 bannanas, 1 egg, 1 spoon of sel-raising flour+ some water. The beaten mixture poured into a baking pan or turned into pancakes - gives a low calorie goodie that satisfies hunger.

BECKY said...

I'm so with you on this, Linda! I keep talkin' the talk, but I'm definitely not walkin' the walk!

Connie said...

I hear that extra voice too. It's hard to know who to listen to sometimes. ;)

K9friend said...

Dang it. Why is losing weight so hard? :-)

Pat
www.patwahler.com