Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Can you say OUCH?

It's that time of year for me again.

Ladies, be vigilant and get your

Mammy Whammy

“Disrobe,” said 20 something
“waist-up completely bare.”
I removed my shirt & bra
and awkwardly stood there.

“Point your toes now forward,
twist your body right this way.”
Maybe ten years ago,
but I can’t move like that today.

She lifted Mopsie and Flopsie,
manipulated my chest,
depressed that boob smasher
and said, “Honey, hold your breath.”

“All done now. Take those with you.”
She joked and continued to yap.
“Don’t worry,” I said sarcastically,
“I’m not leaving either one of these
flatsos in your booby trap.”

11 comments:

Kim said...

Booby trap...lol

If testicles were scanned like breasticles, they'd come up with something more humane in a flash.

jabblog said...

Sometimes I think they do more harm than good . . .

Lynn said...

Brilliant.

Janet, said...

How funny! I like what the first commenter said :0)

Kathleen said...

So funny. Thanks for the chuckle!

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

LOL So funny because it is so true! I don't have to have my annual smooshfest until February. But when I do, I'll think of this and maybe it will lighten my mood.

Sioux said...

I agree with Kim. But that can be said for lots of things...birth control, bras (which some men SHOULD wear), tampax, high heels (which I guess some men DO wear) and so on.

Linda, this is too funny to be just a posting. You should submit this somewhere. Flopsie and Mopsie...Brilliant.

K9friend said...

All I can say is, ouch!

Pat
Critter Alley

Debra Stang, Editor said...

Ow, I hate that time of year. So much that some years I've actually skipped it altogether. Then I remember that the boob crusher probably saved my mom's life, and I drag myself back in for more pain and embarassment...

Debora said...

Already? I'm still chuckling about your last mammogram post...where you rushed into the Bookmobile for your exam!

gritsandpurls said...

Nothing like getting your cups turned into saucers...