Sunday, February 26, 2012

AHHH! A naked man!

Ladies, do you remember the first time you saw a naked man? In person, not in a National Geographic or Play Girl magazine.

I was a child, and no, this is not one of those horrific child abuse stories. It is not about the sexual exploitation of children. I was never molested, yet the incident is as fresh in my mind as a small, hard brick of Bazooka chewing gum softening in my mouth at the age of eight.

My parents had taken us swimming in St. Charles, first time at a pool. My mom took me through the girls' changing room and my dad and brother went into the boy's changing room. I was amazed that we both exited out of those rooms and into the pool area simultaneously. We enjoyed clinging to the pool edge and wading. My dad supported my belly and tried to teach me how to swim. It was so exciting to be in over my head, yet so comforting to know my dad was there to hold me up when my toes could no longer touch bottom.

Dad, who had a tan, got out of the pool to take my brother to the bathroom and told me to wait in the wading pool. Mom must have gone in to change. I felt afraid and so I darted into the changing area. Oh my gosh! I had wandered into the boy's changing room. That MAN may have been a teenager, or he may have been a middle-aged man. I do not recall seeing his genitals. What I vividly recall is that guy's entire nude body was as pink as a wad of Bazooka chewing gum.

I was ushered out of there in a hurry. My parents talked in code on the way home about what they thought I had seen and wondered aloud if I had been traumatized by the exposure. Oh I was traumatized alright. From that day forward, I could not chomp on a chunk of Bazooka chewing gum, even though I did like the little waxed cartoon paper it was wrapped in. Thereafter, I chose Double Bubble gum wrapped in a twist of waxed paper instead.

19 comments:

SparkleFarkle said...

*GROSS ALERT* I'm pretty sure my witnessing a man's "southern exposure" happened in the month of November. In fact I know it did. The night before Thanksgiving, to pinpoint it. The next morning, I nearly went into catatonic shock when my aunt pulled out what I thought was a you-know-what from the turkey she was early morning preparing for the day's feast! As it turned out, it was the dead bird's neck!

It's this the part where I thank you for such a "wonderful" trip down Memory Lane? LOL!

Sioux said...

Only you, Linda, could tell a story that connects Bazooka bubble gum with...a man's pride and joy.

This was a story that most women could relate to, because we've all that that first time in our past.

Susan said...

hahahahhahaha That was funny, Linda. I'm cracking up and I haven't even been to church yet! (No naked men there! ha ha hahaha) Susan

SparkleFarkle said...

SparkleFarkle replying to the comment you left me on my blog page: Hey, Linda, you're welcome! And sorry if I made it so that your Thanksgivings will never be the same. This is probably why God invented tofu, I guess.

Tammy said...

From now on, whenever someone mentions turkey necks (and a couple of giblets?) or Bazooka bubble gum, I will giggle just like a sixth grader!

I came from a family of all girls, so was never even in the proximity of those mysterious boy bits. Fortunately for me, my parents were artists and had a book on the human body. I studied and studied that naked man and couldn't make heads or tails of it. It looked downright dangerous! It wasn't till much later that I realized what I'd been so eagerly studying...was a fig leaf.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I have no brothers and the mysteries of manhood were revealed to me by my cousins when, while having a sleep-over, we snuck into their younger brother's room and viewed his equipment while he slept. Then we stayed up very late discussing what we had seen and marveling at the wonders of peeing while standing. My young male cousin never knew about his lesson in anatomy. He was only 8.

Bouncin Barb said...

Oh the humanity!!! The real trauma was losing Bazooka Joe. Funny story.

Lynn said...

LOL - my first (I have no idea how old I was--maybe 5?) was when I opened the bathroom door, not realizing my dad was in there taking a whiz - he hollered at me so loud, while trying to shut the door. That "thing" scared the bageebees out me. Or maybe it was the reaction to my dad, but either way I was traumatized.

Val said...

Good gracious! Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned game of "doctor"? Our neighborhood gang skinned that cat in my grandpa's basement stairwell. In fact, we had an example of...um...each kind of male apparatus. The original, and the altered-shortly-after-birth version. And you know what? We didn't think anything of it. Been there, done that, know what it looks like, move on to playing army, building a tank, making a miniature golf course out of marbles and twigs in the driveway...normal kid stuff.

Times were so much simpler then.

Now if you're looking for an actual MAN sighting, that was many years later, and not so innocent, courtesy of a perv who called me over to his car to ask the time.

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

*sigh* My first view of Big Jim and the Twins and the body they belonged to must not have been very memorable as I have no recollection of it. At all. Huh.

My youngest daughter does remember her first sight of a naked man (and woman). We were on a Caribbean cruise and took a shore excursion for a beach day, careful not to choose the nude beach option. Didn't matter. The nude beach was next to the beach we were on and a nude couple apparently missed the boundary line. My daughter (5 at the time) was building a sandcastle with her daddy when Mr. and Mrs. Butt-Naked walked up and stopped to make conversation about the castle. Christina took one look, blinked, and went right back to her sandcastle, completely unimpressed. She was more concerned about a wave destroying her masterpiece!

Debora said...

Oh my! I feel like I have to cover my eyes after reading this post and the subsequent comments. It makes me think about streakers...almost always men. Why do they think we think that their equipment is attractive. Necessary perhaps...attractive..no! Ah well, I may be a bit of a prude...

The Tame Lion said...

Agree with Bouncin Barb, the real trauma was losing Bazooka Joe. ;)

Terri Tiffany said...

Lol--glad it wasn't worse:)) My first time was when I was a little bit older:)

Karen Lange said...

Oh my, what a memory to carry with you! Glad you seem to have recovered. :)

Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog. I appreciate you very much!

Have a great week,
Karen

jabblog said...

Hilarious! I can see that your parents would have been very concerned.

I didn't know about Roundheads and Cavaliers until I was much older.

K9friend said...

Isn't it nice to discover the source of a phobia. You've saved yourself years of therapy.

Pat
Critter Alley

Linda O'Connell said...

Thanks to each of YOU for making me laugh all day long. Everytime I received a comment I laughed aloud adn people asked what was so funny, but alas, I couldn't share.

Pearl said...

That was WONDERFUL. :-)

Pearl

Chatty Crone said...

Oh my gosh - yours is funny and so is Sparkle's! I can't even remember myself - lol - wonder what that says about me? sandie