Thursday, March 24, 2011

Nothing like a trial run.

It happened at this time of the year about fifteen years ago. I remember the Bradford pear trees were flowering; dogwoods and magnolias hung heavy with pink blossoms, and lilac scented the neighborhood.

I called for my routine mammogram appointment and the receptionist asked if I would be willing to visit the mobile mammogrophy unit. She rattled off a list of locations where it would be that month. I chose a date and location.

She said, "Five minutes late and your appointment will be cancelled; so be on time."

I left school after lunch and darted to the location. Hmmm, I couldn't remember exactly what the address was, but I knew it was by Dierberg's, a large chain grocery store.

I questioned myself all the way there. Was it the Dierberg's at 2900 or the one at 4300? I drove like I had a hot date, got off at the nearest location and spied the huge mobile unit, four minutes to expiration of my boob smoosh.

I parked the car, ran up the metal stairs, flung open the door, dug in my purse for my insurance card while the woman waited patiently.

"I'm here for my 12:30 appointment."

"Pardon?"

"My mammogram!"

"Ma'am, this is the Book Mobile."

I grimaced, groaned, screeched out of the parking lot with Mopsy and Flopsy in full swing and made it across the street to the upper end of Dierberg's parking lot where the girls met their fate, with one minute to spare.

"Hold your breath now, honey."

Hold my breath? I could hardly catch my breath. That mammy was a whammy!

Thereafter, I arranged to be compressed at the hospital.

Schedule yours if you haven't already!

16 comments:

Odie Langley said...

The words "book mobile" made me want to laugh out loud Linda. That was really a funny story although I know it wasn't funny for you at the time. Sure makes for good blog material. Thanks
Odie

Linda O'Connell said...

Glad you got a good laugh. It's funny NOW :) I was horrified then.

Sioux said...

Summertime is always the "fun" time for my "girls."

I love the names Flopsy and Mopsy. You are so funny, Linda!

June Freaking Cleaver said...

That is the funniest thing I've read in ages!

I hope Flopsy and Mopsy enjoyed their airing!

Linda O'Connell said...

Hi Sioux,
I pitched this story once, but they only laughed.

Linda O'Connell said...

JFC,
Laugh, go right ahead. Chuckling is good for the soul. Thanks for stopping by. By the way, the day your hubby left the chicken out, mine left out a gallon of milk.

Karen Lange said...

Oh my! My brother in law used to drive the bookmobile at the library where he works. Wonder if he ever had that happen. :) Thanks for sharing with us!

irishoma said...

How funny!
Thanks for the reminder about the mammogram. I got a letter the other day reminding me that it's been a year, so I need to make the call.
Donna

Susan said...

That was a funny one, Linda. Really, really humorous. Just think! You could have been a "best seller!" Ha! You definitely "closed the book" on mammograms for that day. I think Mopsy and Flopsy should have made the New York Times reading list! ha ha ha Have a great day and thanks for the chuckles. Susan

Thisisme. said...

That was SO funny, you ending up in the Book Mobile!! Oh dear, I can imagine it wasn't so funny for you at the time though. Thank goodness you did make your mammogram appointment in time!

Lynn said...

That was so funny! A book mobile...he he he.

Chatty Crone said...

Mine is in two weeks! Hope your results were great. sandie

Val Thevictorian said...

Wow! That's more embarrassing than the time my step-grandma asked the cardiologist to clip my grandpa's toenails!

Debora said...

LOL! I suppose the bookmobile lady could have pulled out a big old dictionary, opened it wide and slammed it shut on your, ahem, 'chest'. It would have felt just like a mammogram! Well, thanks for the chuckle and the reminder anyway. I'll make an appointment with my Bookmobile for next month.

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

HaHa! I really wanted to hear this whole story, so thanks for posting it. I'm actually due for my annual squishy...got the doc's order folded up in my purse. I know, I know...it isn't doing anyone any good sitting in there. *sigh* I'll do it.

Tammy said...

I am out of breath too--from laughing! That story is priceless. As were your nicknames for it.