I like cottage cheese. I have been eating those little Cuties (mini oranges) with the easy-to-peel rind, since Christmas. Maybe that's what it is. Yeah, uh huh, I want to believe that my cellulite, which has crept from my thighs to my upper arms is from eating cuties... well, it is from eating. Anyway, spring break is this month and so I tried on my capri pants in case we go some place warm. It is snowing here again. Another snow, sleet and ice storm expected next week. Ugh.
The seams are screaming on my zippers, so I decided to walk the mall today at 6:30 a.m. while hubby went to the gym. I am a people watcher, a fast walker, and a multi-tasker. Which only means I overtook every old bugger at the mall while checking my cell phone and observing the interaction around me, listening to snippets of conversation from the over-seventy crowd. This from two senior women wearing too short pants walking on the first floor:
"I don't care what anyone says about my body."
"Oh, you DO, TOO. I wouldn't want anyone to say anything bad about my body, no matter how bad it is. Nobody would. So you DO care."
"I do NOT care! People can say whatever they want about my body."
Second lap around I figured they must have been siblings because they were still saying, "I do NOT!" and "You do TOO!"
On the second level:
Two men trailing behind two waddling women. The tall woman had a rosary in her hands but seemed to be preoccupied with the people more than saying her Hail Marys and Our Fathers. She could have been using the beads to lap count. As I gained on them, one of the guys said to the other, "She wants your body."
The woman with the rosary said, "No I don't." She nudged her friend. "Will you tell them I am looking for a used car with a good body."
The old guys laughed behind the old gal's backs, poked each other and the gals some more. "So, you want my body, huh?"
The rosary woman said, "Listen, all I'm interested in is a good body and equipment that works."
The old guys almost lost their dentures. I snickered and headed downstairs.
On the lower level:
Husband and wife moseying along. She came to an abrupt stop. He asked her what's wrong. She said, "I hurt."
He said, "Where do you hurt?"
Here, I have a cramp in my leg."
"Where in your leg? How bad is it? What does it feel like?"
She says, "You're giving me a pain."
I walked the three levels two times in 45 minutes. Figure if I walk three times a week, I might get my figure back and have a few chuckles along the way.
I am co creator of this PG-13 rated anthology to be released March 2014. Submissions are open. CLICK ON IMAGE for details on how to submit your true, sassy, wacky family story. Tell on your sibling, write about a humorous or crazy incident, you know, the stories you reminisce about at your family gatherings. Not looking for sweet and sappy stories, but fun, true stories 1,000-2,000 words. Previously submitted stories are still under consideration. Be patient, it takes time to develop a book. There are many titles in development. Check out the list and submit to some of the other books.
11 comments:
Great way to exercise and find funny material to write about.
And I love cuties!
People in my neck of the woods have to walk around Walmart. I'm afraid to listen. Then again...there aren't many people walking around Walmart. Including me. I think it's more of a visual medium rather than auditory.
LOL!
Those cuties are having a great year, aren't they?! I keep buying them too, and this year they are delish.
Interesting, people watching. People are fascinating, even if they are weird or annoying at times. Part of our charm, I guess!
Haha! Cute stories. I'm a people watcher too. It can be quite entertaining at times. Have a nice weekend! :)
I can see it now...A book of collected eavesdroppings that happened while you were walking.
You'll the size of Beth by the time you fill your book up!
People watching and overheard chatter is always amusing, great fun.
Merle........
Walking the mall is a great idea if I only could pass up window shopping along the way!
Pat
Critter Alley
You were brave to get out in the weather even to walk inside. I walk to Leslie Sansome at home. Nothing melting away but it does feel good.
When I used to live in NY some people would sit on their fire escape or front stoop and people watch. It is fascinating sometimes but some people have no sense of humor If they know you are listening. You have to learn to veil your face; something I am awful at. lol
Hilarious, Linda. I love to easedrop, too. Never know what you are going to hear. Susan
That was funny Linda. Oh, I'm so with you about the eating bit. Because it's been so bitterly cold, I have been well overeating, and I have to STOP!! I bought a couple of pairs of trousers for the spring last week, and just couldn't do the zip up at all! I've always been in a size UK 10, but I had to change them for a size 12. I am NOT amused!!!
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