If I were a betting woman...I'd lay odds I was in the rec room of the state mental institution

After being cooped up all week in a snowstorm, we thought we'd take a chance Saturday and go to the movies to see a recent release, but it was sold out. We decided to take our 20 bucks to the casino for recreational fun.

We found a bank of penny machines with only two of the twelve seats occupied. We left two seats between us and them. I sat to the right of my big happy guy. To his left, a middle age man with a full head of plastered hair and a nose like a shed roof overhang, sat hunched feeding the penny slot machine $1.20 a whack.

Every time our 20 cent bet paid off 15-60 cents with whiz bang bells, he looked our way. Not lovingly. When our 7s lined up and we hit a BIG jackpot of $8.00 (oh wow!) he craned his neck to see the tally. Then he turned away, looked at the man on the stool to his left, and muttered loudly, "Been sitting here two hours and haven't won a  jackpot." Out of the corner of my eye, I caught movement. He clenched and unclenched his jaw. I don't like to sit by frustrated gamblers. I had to keep an eye on this guy.

At second look I had to look away, sickened, appalled at his rapid stroking. I couldn't help myself. I glanced again. Does that make me a voyeur or a roving reporter? I couldn't believe his disgusting behavior. He ramped up the action: back and forth, back and forth. Was he unaware that he was massaging the tip of his nose with his protruding wet bottom lip? OMG!

I had five bucks left, so I went around the corner where nobody else was sitting. Wouldn't you know it?! An unkempt woman with more wrinkles, messier hair than mine and a scowl that would curl your toes (not in a good way) plopped down next to me. She shoved her card into the slot, and started poking the keypad. She bellowed, "What's wrong?! What is WRONG with this machine? Why can't I access my account?"

I pressed my 20 cent button and ignored her. I figured she was talking to herself. She wasn't. I hit a jackpot. Ding-ding-ding...those machines mess with people. $2.00 doesn't excite me like it did her. She shouted, "What are YOU playing? Oh, I see. Okay."

I did not look in her direction as she continued to punch the one armed bandit's buttons. An attendant finally came over and helped her retrieve her $25 free play money, which indicates she plays a lot.

She invaded my space with her extended left hand. "Look! What is WRONG with me?"

You think I was going to take a stab at that?!

She said, "Look at how I'm shaking. WHY am I shaking so bad? Every time I come here I get the shakes. What could be the matter? Look at me! What do you think's wrong?"

I looked at her. Both arms were vibrating worse than the guy's lip on the other side. "Maybe you have diabetes or low blood sugar. Try eating something sweet."

"NO! I'm going to hit a jackpot." She jacked her bet up from 20 cents to $1.20. She pulled that lever nine times, her luck on low. Then on the tenth pull, it happened.  She shouted, "Yay! I did it! I got me a jackpot! Look at this. Twelve dollars."

I got myself out of there before she could do the math.

Things just weren't adding up yesterday.
On second thought, hubby did walk out with fifteen bucks out of his twenty, so that was our pay off.