Sunday, November 6, 2016

Ready...aim...fire!

Did you know the rubber band was patented in 1845 by Stephen Perry in England?


                                           

I am certain that I could make an enormous rubber band ball such as this if I followed the mail carrier. When I walk a mile in the neighborhood, I find thick rubber bands on the ground every few houses. I read that the US Postal Service is one of the greatest users of rubber bands. 

I have been in the bowels of the main post office downtown where mail is sorted. I took older students on a field trip there to see how mail goes from mailbox to destination. We learned a lot of facts and heard many opinions. Most of the employees were women who stood on their feet most of their shifts and sorted mail electronically by zip codes, or by hand when the zip code was unreadable on the envelopes. 

They shouted at my students, "Get a good education. You don't want to work here! Don't use fancy envelopes with decorations on the bottom. The machines won't sort them and we have to do it by hand."

The postal workers were probably overworked and releasing frustrations. But to tell you the truth, I sort of felt like we were visiting a dingy prison where the inmates were about to revolt.

I digress. Let's get back to rubber bands. I have often used a large rubber band as a bookmark. It works well.

Let me tell you about my latest adventure with a rubber band. Nicole was opening her birthday gifts. One of her dolls had a thick, long rubber band on it. When she removed it, it shot across the room and she couldn't find it.

My ex and my present husband were seated close to one another at the corners of a sectional couch. Bill was seated on the large couch and my ex on the small one. I was seated at the far end of the large couch.

Ten minutes into their political yammering and downright debating, I cleared my throat. I get it that my long-time ex didn't remember my attention signal. But Bill knows my heavy emphasis throat clearing is for effect only and not because of sinus drainage. Neither of them looked my way.

That is when I spotted the thick rubber band near my right foot. I needed to divert their attention. I placed one end on my index finger, pulled back, and aimed at my sweet baboo's thick, muscular right shoulder. He doesn't complain about flu shots, so I knew he would feel the ping, not complain, but get my drift.

I cocked my finger, stretched the band taut, took aim, and launched right at his arm. Like a curve ball it swerved and hit my ex right in the cheek. 

It took me by surprise as well as both guys. I sputtered, laughed at his bug-eyed expression, and Bill's What the hell did you just do! expression. I apologized, and couldn't stop laughing. My ex joked, "She's mean!" and then laughed with the rest of the crowd. I swear, it wasn't on purpose.

So, how do YOU use rubberbands?  

10 comments:

Sioux said...

Linda--I love rubber bands. There are so many times I need one, but have to beg for one from a colleague because I can't find one.

I think that was a Freudian rubber band shot...

Bookie said...

My dad used to cut rubber bands fro old bicycle inner tubes. These were great for repairing dolls arms on the inside. I agree with Sioux, a little Freudian slip! Ha, ha.

K9friend said...

Years ago someone brought in to work a wooden gun that shot rubber bands. Some deadly office fights ensued, but we all survived.

Pat
www.patwahler.com

Val said...

I find your marksmanship to be quite breathtaking.

I rarely use a rubber band. In fact, at school, when a kid would ask me for one (you gotta be careful who you hand them out to) to put on their rolled-up art project, I might have had three in my drawer. And the first two would snap from dry-rot when the kid tried to slide them on the paper.

baili said...

I have some rubber bands from my teens .I always keep them in my personal treasury dryer .
Liked you adventure about rubber dear

Connie said...

Rubber bands make me think back to when my sons had newspaper delivery routes. Every day after school they had to fold the papers and secure each one of them with a rubber band before delivering them.

Merlesworld said...

The beer fairy put them in the oddest places you find them everywhere but I store them in the knife and fork drawer then I can always find them when needed.
Merle............

Margo Dill said...

I don't use rubber bands--hardly ever. Unless you count the ponytail holders we put in Katie's hair and mine too. But I love this story about those two men and your life and how you put them in line! I could see myself doing something like that.

Cathy C. Hall said...

You have to be the queen of clever lines to get someone's attention (I saw your "I admit it, I shot him" line). So maybe instead of throat-clearing you could just say something extra witty! :-)

I'm with Margo--not much of a rubber band user. Now staples? That's a whole 'nother story. :-)

Karen Lange said...

Good thing you're so resourceful. Rubber bands have many uses, don't they? :)