Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Water aerobics aren't for me

I wrote this last year, and silly me! I'm going back again today.

I've Had My Fill of Exercise
Linda O'Connell(c)

I joined a gym this morning; I rode the stationary bike,
until Barbie sat down beside me, and gave me a look I didn’t like.

So, I walked over to the treadmill and kept a steady pace.
After just one mile, I was sweaty and red in the face.

My boobs were bouncing wildly, my belly keeping time;
I hit the speed up button and nearly landed on my behind.

I hurried to the ladies room, feeling like a fool.
I spied a class of women exercising in the pool.

Aha! I said delighted, and opened up my locker,
I slipped into my swimsuit; man that was a shocker!

I couldn’t believe that bimbo standing right there in my mirror.
My tiny little swim skirt didn’t cover half my rear.

I made my way to the edge of the pool, got brave and dropped my towel.
I swear I heard that teenaged life guard let out a little yowl.

The aquatics instructor smiled, “Come in; the water’s fine.”
I heard some whispering women comparing theirs, to my behind.

“Okay ladies,” the instructor said. “Pull your partner up and down the lane.”
I headed to the lazy river; water aerobics looked insane.

Second lap around the bend a woman shouted, “Watch out for my noodle!”
I’d had my fill of exercise, so I headed home to eat my apple strudel.

16 comments:

irishoma said...

Hi Linda,
This is so funny. Dang it, though, I've been thinking about taking a water aerobics class. The thought of strangers seeing me in a swim suit scares me, though.
Donna V.
http://donnasbookpub.blogspot.com

Susan said...

ha ha ha ha ha That was a good one, Linda. I do love aqua aerobics, though, and go several days a week. It's always preceded by doing about 40 minutes of laps. The exercise makes me feel SOOOOO good. (But apple strudel sounds good, too. ha ha ha) Susan

Linda O'Connell said...

Donna,
The instructor was all of 98 pounds and the students were all 198 PLUS, and when she said tug your partner, I ducked under the rope and headed for the lazy river. You should give it a try though. It is good exercise.

Linda O'Connell said...

Susan,
Water is so refreshing and I love it! I watch the class but I do my own exercises in the pool at my pace not that tiny little instructor's. I target my rather plump areas by doing it my way. I always feel better too when I get out.

Terri Tiffany said...

LOL That poem could have been written for me! My husband goes to the gym now because of school etc and he is trying to get his stomach flat enough so he can go into the pool without feeling so embarrassed!

Bookie said...

Oh do I know the feeling of you and all the others...so sad as I have fought this battle for so many years...endurance should count for something and be rewarded with some loss! Wish I were there to go with you...

Cathy C. Hall said...

Hhahahaha! That is exactly why I a. have a treadmill in my basement and b. go to the beach if I want to get exercise in water.

I mean, have you SEEN those people at the beach???

Thanks for the laugh today, Linda. Oh, and your blog makeover's spiffy, too. (And you didn't have to look in a mirror or anything!)

Linda O'Connell said...

Terri,
Flat and fat are a letter stroke apart, but in my world they are miles apart.

Linda O'Connell said...

Claudia,
Come on down to St. Louis. There is strength in numbers, with one exception, not on the scale!

Linda O'Connell said...

Cathy,
YES! I have seen some of those beach hineys. My philosophy on mine is this: once they get a good look, they'll likely turn their heads and never look again, so it's really only the first few minutes on the beach that ever matter. Like an impact statement, my hiney says it all.

Karen Lange said...

Never heard water aerobics described like this, but I enjoyed it. You're the brave one, putting the swimsuit on. I can't remember the last time I wore mine!
Blessings,
Karen

Tammy said...

Thanks for the laugh! I'm with you all the way up the lazy river to the land of strudel!

Linda O'Connell said...

Karen and Tammy, thanks for stopping by. This stuff is for real. My life is a hoot!

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Ha ha! I've never tried water aerobics, but I'm a terrible swimmer so it probably wouldn't work out. I'm for the apple strudel! No THAT sounds like a great idea.

K9friend said...

I go for the old fashioned swimsuits these days. You know the ones...long sleeves, pantaloons with tall black stockings!

Pat
www.critteralley.blogspot.com

Linda O'Connell said...

Lisa and Pat,
I'll be wearing black stockings and pantaloons if I don't stop eating apple strudel!