Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Even if Johnny Depp caught me under the mistletoe...


Last night was open mic and pot luck at the St. Louis Writer's Guild December meeting. Almost 100 attendees honoring the children in grades 3-8 who won our writing contest. After they read their wonderful entries and received their awards (thanks to their wonderful teacher, Cathi LaMarche) they left with their parents.

Then it was time for members' open mic. I brought a holiday essay, but I knew it would be difficult to read aloud. No, it wasn't a tear jerker, it was the tear jerker the other day that did me in. I declined and passed my turn to others because...

I'm talking a wittle like Elmer Fudd. I have to keep my bottom lip moistened with constant tongue contact and flicking. You twy talking like that. Ith not pwetty.

Monday I was trying to meet the deadline for getting packages into the mail so the US Post Office elves could deliver to the East coast on time. Spending ten bucks to send a seven dollar shirt...well what can you do?

I hurried to the basement to hubby's workshop where he keeps (HIDES) the clear packaging tape from me. I sat down to wrap the flimsy parcel. I saw one little gap in the final wrapping project, and instead of using the scissors, I quickly ripped a length of wide tape off with my teeth. It stuck securely to my bottom lip. Feeling like a fly on a sticky trap, I jerked that tape with one yank and off came a layer of epidermis, in a beautiful shade of pink lipstick. OUCH!

Now you theeee why I'm talkin' like Elmer?
My kids' pediatrician always advised that the mouth heals itself, and to let nature take its course. Mother nature needs to help this mama out!

Even if Johnny Depp were to catch me under the mistletoe, I couldn't pucker up.

13 comments:

Bobby Barbara Smith said...

I teeee! :)

Bookie said...

This sounds awful! And yes, isn't postage another kind of pain these days!

Janet, said...

Ouch! That doesn't sound good at all. Our pediatrician told us the same thing. Bet you won't do that again - I hate learning things the hard way.

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Sorry about your owie. But I bet if Johnny Depp showed up at your door you'd figure a way to manage. :)

Merlesworld said...

Oh dear that does sound painful.
Merle..........

Daisy said...

Ow! That sounds painful. I would have passed on a turn to read too, I think.

Terri Tiffany said...

I like how you wrote this--love the last line but sorry it happened to you!

Val said...

Ack! Be careful with that constant lip-moistening. My son did that in elementary school. He said his lips were SO dry, he had to keep licking them. Of course it was winter, and the teachers took the kids out for recess, and by the time he got off the bus, his lips were three times their normal size, and cherry red. Imagine a baboon's butt on his sweet little face.

River said...

No need to pucker up, just let Johnny Depp kiss you on the cheek.
I bet that hurts worse than it looks. My tongue is feeling a little odd today after licking envelopes with Christmas cards in them. Only six this year, thank goodness.

Susan Sundwall said...

When I was 5 I stuck my tongue on a frosty metal car door handle. Yeah, they were metal in the dark ages. I sooo sympathize. And Johnny can have a crack at me any time he wants. Wink.

Sioux's Page said...

Linda--Too bad that tape didn't pull some skin off your fingers...That might have slowed you down and kept you from submitting a CS story for at least a week or two.

If Depp saw you, it wouldn't matter if there was no mistletoe, he'd still want to smooch with you.

(But of course, there would be a guy hovering around you--about three feet taller than Johnny Depp--who would NOT be pleased. I wonder how that encounter would end?)

Karen Lange said...

Owww. Hope you are feeling better soon! :)

K9friend said...

Yikes! Hope you are a swift healer!

Pat
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