None of your business!

Back in the mid 80's my next door neighbor, Rose, and her sister, Millie, and I had been shopping at K Mart. Directly across the street on the corner was a small neighborhood bar, in a tiny wedge of a building. We saw a poster in the window advertising a live weekend band. We decided to stop in and see what the establishment was like. We ordered Bartles and Jaymes, flavored wine coolers and asked where the ladies' room was. The bartender directed us downstairs. An elderly gentleman wearing a hat, white shirt and tan slacks hobbled slowly down the stairs ahead of us. We sat at a table in the vacant room and waited for him to exit the one and only bathroom. We lost track of time laughing and talking. We had to "go" and we wished the old guy would hurry up. We waited until we couldn't wait anymore.

I volunteered to peek in. I opened the door an inch hoping that there were stalls with doors. I leaned way down and scoped out under the doors of the two closed stalls. I saw the old guy's tan slacks.

I ran back to the table and told my friends he'd be out in a minute. We waited several minutes, but he didn't exit. I peeked back in and noticed that he was still standing in that stall. I could see his shoes and pant legs facing forward as if he were about to open the door.

"Something must be wrong with him, maybe we should go get the bartender."

"Let US see!" We all snuck into that small john, bent down, and whispered that it was really none of our business what the old boy was doing. I peered under like a three year old in a dressing room. That's when I saw a guy in gray pants standing behind him. I snickered and motioned for my girlfriends to participate in my peep show.

Inside that stall was a life-size cardboard cutout of Bartles and Jaymes. Bartles was wearing the gray pants and Jaymes was wearing the same color tan slacks as the old man who must have slipped past us as we were talking and laughing.


Neither door was locked; they were both closed. We did our business and laughed all the way home snorting and spewing the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler slogan, "And we thank you for your business."