We are so blessed that the daytime weather is still in the 60's and sunny. This was taken at dusk on the banks of the Mississippi River. Lots of barge traffic. As I watched a tug boat pushing a dozen barges against the current, I thought of all the times I've struggled. Sometimes I felt weighted down, going nowhere, marking time. Other times I felt ecstatic and lighthearted because of success, and life seemed as easy as pushing barges downstream. Had to stay within the channel and go with the flow.
If I had taken a better picture you could have seen how the tree was tilted at a 45 degree angle, and it appeared as if Bill could have kicked it over.
Some days I want to kick everything and clear a new path. I have a restless nature, and would like to affect change in my family, in the world. Ease burdens of those who are struggling, ill or in pain.
Sometimes I just want to uproot and take off, but then I hear my mom's words. She always said, "You can run away, but you can't out run your problems." I suppose there's a lot of truth to that.
I look outside my front door and realize that although some of our friends have bigger and better houses, our little ranch house is just right for us, cozy and homey, and in a good neighborhood.
I have been in awe of this tree for 38 years, even though we have lived here for only 20 years. I used to drive past the very house we live in now and secretly yearn for it. The children were small, I was married to someone else, and we had only one car. After I dropped their daddy off at work, I drove slowly past, taking in the beauty of the tree, telling my children to say, "Thank you God for my eyes." I never dreamed that almost twenty years later, my dream house would come to me and that very tree would be in my neighbor's yard. Every autumn day that prayer goes from my mind to God's ear.
Everywhere I look the leaves are shaking loose and boogying on a breeze. Their colors are vibrant or fading. Life is as it should be. Every day is a gift and I try to find something to be thankful for.
As winter teases closer and closer and the days grow shorter, cyclical changes take place inside me, too. I slow. I dream. I wish. I hope. I resist. I give in. I intend. I fail. I succeed. I burrow. I achieve. I smile. I sneer. I look backward. I count forward. Hanging on to yesterday, I rush tomorrow.
At this time of year I feel as if I have shaken a wadded up, scented, crocheted edged, perfumed hanky and tossed its contents in the air: tiny bits of the past, present and future mingle, bringing to life those I've lost, and those I've found, and those still to come into my life.
I feel a longing for the ocean's rhythm inside my soul. My thoughts roll away as if on a melancholy wave, and return with an unexpected treasure.
Today I am inspired by an idea that will eventually take shape as a poem, a story, or maybe a book. Perhaps my idea will lay dormant through winter, and erupt in spring. It is germinating, and when it takes root, I am confident it will flourish. To rush it would be a mistake. To live in the past is a mistake, to live for the future prevents one from experiencing the moment, which is really the only thing any of us have.
Are you affected by seasonal changes? Do you like winter? We haven't had to turn our heat on yet. But the day is fast approaching. Do you cocoon? Or are you productive?