Thursday, December 29, 2016

Did this make YOU smile or laugh?


 Taco Bell closed a few weeks ago, and the building is for lease. On Christmas Eve we saw this. I laughed out loud. The wind has been whipping viciously today and the sign ripped, but the last word is NAVIDAD. I have a warped sense of humor.  My kids said I just have a writer's mind. 

 I am in a writing lull and am deciding on whether I want to tackle the piles of papers and notes on my desk. Probably not today. Seems like a good task for New Year's Day.


This is one of my favorite photos of Liam and his mama. We took him to Six Flags to see the Winter Wonderland of Lights one night before Christmas. He loved the live Nativity stage show. When the donkey came down the aisle with "Mary" he said, "I ride that donkey, too?" 
Then he saw the camel and nearly jumped out of my arms. He knew for sure he was going to ride the camel, just as he and his daddy had done the week before at another nativity scene, The Way of Lights at Shrine of Our Lady of the Snows.

We arrived late, so we only rode the large Ferris wheel which overlooks the park. Liam talked about it the next day, "We ride the big ride. The way up high ride, way-way high up."

I am so blessed to be able to see the holidays through his eyes. My daughter, his Nana, has an in home day care which he attends. She says he has been playing with a baby doll. He tells her there's a baby in mommy's tummy. She asked him if he wants a baby sister or brother. He replies, "A baby brother AND a sister." That is a distinct possibility as twins run in our family.

We'll know more in three weeks when Ashley goes to the doctor. Liam is going to be a wonderful big brother, and my daughter is going to be exhausted.


Monday, December 26, 2016

Big news in our little house Christmas day

My son Jason and daughter Tracey. 


 Bill and his daughters Robin and Michele.
 Liam had more fun wrapping himself in the ocean of wrapping paper and tossing it in the air.
His mama and daddy made a major announcement Christmas Day in a novel way...
 Ashley's mama and I read the message, and we screamed so loud, we nearly deafened her.
August 2017 Liam will be a big brother. He keeps saying it's a sister. We're hoping!


Nicholas, a freshman, will be 15 in a few weeks, and Sean, a senior, is 17. Look how tall these 6 ft guys are.
George, our volley ball pro is home from college, and he's grown so tall he can touch our 8 ft ceiling.
These are just a few of the photos taken at our house Christmas Day. We are blessed.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

An oldie but goodie on the night before Christmas

If you've dropped by from Lisa's blog, click here to view my previous post, for a little face time with cutie, and a bit of inspiration. 

Contemporary Version of  'T Was the Night Before Christmas
 by Linda O'Connell

'T was the night before Christmas at the North Pole,
Old Santa was edgy, feeling quite droll.
Mrs. Claus was baking; the house smelled yummy.
Santa walked into the kitchen, sneaked up on his honey.

He reached for a snicker-doodle still warm on the tray.
Big Mama said, "No more! You've eaten two dozen today.
Your cholesterol is up, your triglycerides soaring,
absolutely no more, and I’m tired of your snoring.

"You’re going to have to start losing some weight.
And do you realize the time? It IS getting late."
Chubby old Santa said, "Oh, Woman, drat!
You’re always complaining about this or that.

"Where are my long Johns?" he dared to inquire.
"For Pete's sake," she said, "They're still in the dryer."
She wiped her hands on her apron and turned with a jerk
Mumbled under her breath, "It's all women's work!"

"Get dressed, dear old Santa, go hitch up the sleigh.
Get all the presents and be on your way."
Santa tugged on his suit, and as Mrs. Claus watched
he loosened his belt another notch.

" Do remember when you had a pillow-gut?"
"Yes, and back then, Mrs. Claus, you had a size seven butt!"
"Hrmph! I think you should leave now!"
"I think that I will, but first I need my cholesterol pill.


"Blood pressure pill and one for my arthritis,
another one for my sinusitis.
A Dramamine tablet so I won't get dizzy,
a calm-me-down pill, so I'm not in a tizzy.

"Vitamin C so I don’t sniffle and sneeze,
Asthma medication so I don’t hack and wheeze."
"Be on your way, Man! Get going; you're done.”
"Wait," Santa shouted, "I forgot just one."

He popped a Viagra, climbed into his sleigh.
"Ah, the miracle drugs they have today!
I'll be back in a jiffy," he smiled with affection
I have forty-eight hours to get a…"

"LONG WINTER'S NAP!" she exclaimed as he drove out of sight.
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Ho-ho-ho, and if you've read this far, I wish for you a very merry 
whatever-you-celebrate, mostly broken cookies, because all the calories fall out, and remember if you eat unbroken cookies, be sure to eat double, so the same amount of fat lands on both hips, otherwise you'll waddle when you walk.

Seriously, I wish you a wonderful holiday and blessings galore. Jesus is the reason for the season, and a family member's presence is appreciated more than their presents. Show someone you care. 



Tuesday, December 20, 2016

It was a beary fun day.

Is this not the cutest little face you've ever seen? Liam was at his grandma Tracey's house.


 And do you think he would dare smile when he was seated on my lap? Of course not.

I took him to a neighborhood house decorated with hundreds of Teddy Bears and bear scenes.

We went home and watched a National Geographic movie, Santa Claus and the Arctic Animals. 

When we went to Wal-Mart later in the day, Liam saw the over-sized Teddy bears. He liked them from a distance. I put a big Teddy bear in the cart, thinking he'd be thrilled. When he discovered it, he said in a little squeaky voice, "No?" As I tried to coax him, his protests grew louder, No. No-No-No. NOoooooo!" The idea of the big Teddy bear was safer than the reality of it. 

Are you ever eager to attempt something, and then when you realize the gravity of the situation, do you back off, or reconsider? Thinking about it is different than actually doing it. Would you agree?

If we don't take risks and address our fears, how do we overcome them? As I always told my students, "Never say, ' I can't.' Always say, 'I can try.' "

Is there something holding you back? Something you would like to do, but are hesitant about? Step out in faith and at least make an attempt. Never read at an open mic? Give it a try. Considered submitting to publications and then thought they were out of your league? What's the worst that could happen? A big growly bear is not going to bite your head off. You might even find success instead of failure.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Well what would you do?

My little buddy had a bad experience yesterday. I made a chicken stew and decided to teach him a life lesson, and demonstrate love and kindness through sharing. I told Liam we were going to walk across the (seldom busy) four-lane street and bring some food to the elderly farmers, 89 and 92, who are no longer mobile and appreciate every visitor.

I gave him a red, light-up, holiday pen and a pad of paper so he could draw pictures while I visited. As I was juggling the food and the 2 year-old, he dropped his pen in the middle of the street. It was all I could do to keep him from darting back for it. Three cars came by; two avoided his pen, but the third one hit it and smashed it to smithereens. He was aghast. "That car breaked my red pen!"
I empathized matter-of-factly as we walked up the driveway. "I'm sorry, honey. When cars hit things they break."

We got the mail out of the box and took it inside to the gentlemen farmers who used to farm from sun rise to sundown.

Were they ever surprised and appreciative of the meal. Last week when we visited, Liam wouldn't speak to them and hid his eyes. They were so happy when he walked in and greeted them by name! He shocked me that he remembered their names. He handed them their mail and began talking a mile a minute. He must have repeated the story ten times. "That bad car smashed my red pen in the street."

They got the biggest kick out of him when he resolved the problem himself. "Well, that's okay. Nana buy me a blue one." We are on day 2 and he is still telling everyone he sees, "That bad car breaked my red pen in the street."

How do you handle disappointment? Are you resilient? Do you dwell on your loss? Focus on misfortune, or move on? An editor's rejection  is seldom an opinion about your writing. It's usually related to editorial needs at the moment. 


The lesson I intended to teach Liam turned into one for me.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

SNOW much fun at our house


Come on in for a visit.



# 1.   I have a love affair with snowmen at this time of year. I was thrilled beyond words when I spied this brand new snowman cookie jar from Kohl's still in its packaging for $3.00 at the Goodwill Store.
I already had the mugs. The tall cup is my coffee cup and the mug with a hat/lid is for my yummy peach or blueberry tea or hot chocolate. The cookie jar is filled with chocolate chip cookies, and the plastic ware is filled with yummy peanut butter cookies I baked early this morning.

#2. These are my very favorite snow people, a gift from my son and daughter-in-law years ago.


# 3.  That tall dude was made by my dude many-many years ago and has sentimental value.

 # 4. This snow family is animated but not my favorite. Their noses are Pinochio-size.

# 5. These stuffed puffs make me smile, remind me of happy days when the kids were little.

# 6.  This thrift store discovery appealed to me because they look like they're hand carved sculptures.

# 7.  If you look closely you'll notice a wooden, jointed moose sitting on the bench. It was a gift from my dearest, life long, late friend Sheila, who had a summer lake home in New Hampshire where moose roamed. Looking at that guy brings back so many memories. Our last time together, her husband drove us to Moose Alley hoping to see moose. We drove for hours on a deserted highway, but there wasn't a moose to be seen. We pulled into town to go to a restaurant, and an enormous moose came out of the woods, stopped in front of the car and looked right at us. A gift, of course.


# 8. Another grouping that reminds me of when my kids were small and winter was fun.

# 9.   I bought a cloth woven place mat that I think is whimsical, and I framed it. I love it!

  

 # 10.   Even Santa likes bubble baths. He's animated, kicks his legs, swishes his towel, and sings Splish-Splash I Was Taking a Bath, much to Liam's delight.

Which of these is YOUR favorite?

Thursday, December 8, 2016

What does it for YOU?

I am thrilled to have received an acceptance from Sasee Magazine. My story about my son, his little boy, and me is going to be published in January issue. This story is special to my heart. Can't wait to share it with all of you.

 I look a bit worn in this photo, but I loved the lamp post. I'm not fond of having my picture taken, because I see all my flaws. Years ago when I was half my age and complained to my doctor about my crows feet wrinkles, he said, "You see wrinkles when your face is six inches from the mirror. No one else looks at you that closely. So your flaws will always be more obvious to you than anyone else." I like to think that's true.

This is the second week we attempted to visit with mall Santa, but Liam is still apprehensive. He did go close enough to get a candy cane, though. I think he has a sweet tooth like me. 
Made me think about life in general. What motivates or entices you or me to do anything? A little bribe? A reward? Self satisfaction? Do you have to coax yourself sometimes to do what you know needs to be done?

I am going to admit something here that I am ashamed of. Every time I took a break from writing yesterday, I reached my hand in the cookie jar... a dozen times. To be honest, it was a baker's dozen of those home made chocolate chip delights I devoured.

THE END, as Liam says when he reads a book. Sun is shining and I am going to go walk off a few cookies. Hope I don't work up an appetite. That would be my luck.



Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Did you ever notice the unexpected?


I see trains all the time and don't pay too much attention. But when I saw this long line of freight cars I had to take another look. St. Louis is a major Midwest hub for rail traffic. I guess I never thought about it. As I watched these cars pass by, it was a nice a little distraction from my sadness to see global trade of goods and transportation  in progress.  


I thank you for your kind words and condolences. This little guy sure knows how to get Nana out of a slump. He'd tickle my neck and then belly laugh. He did ask where Tweeny was when he came in, and I told him Tweeny was in heaven with Jesus and didn't live in our house anymore. He is so innocent and sweet. He said, "Aww, Tweeny, thank you Jesus, now Tweeny sees the butterflies."

In the summer I would tell him when he saw a butterfly to say, "Thank you Jesus for my eyes." He made the connection. Liam has a bad cold, so would appreciate prayers for a speedy recovery.

I am going to write a holiday story for my writer's group tonight, so I must get going. It's a haunting tale, and I am having fun with it. I hope you are writing also.


Sunday, December 4, 2016

A gamut of emotions

My heart is broken. Hasn't been the first time and it won't be the last. It never gets any easier to lose a beloved pet. Kitty No-No, whose name was actually Tweeny, (named by the original owner's kids when he was adopted at age one by my son and his family from the Humane Society) crossed the rainbow bridge on Saturday.

He had been panting the past few days. We thought he was having nightmares. When he snoozed, his chest rose and fell heavily as though overexerted from playing or running. It became apparent even when he was awake, but he was never in distress. We took him to the neighborhood walk-in veterinarian, an older man, who has no diagnostic equipment in his little store-front office. He sent us immediately to the emergency hospital. 

Tweeny was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Ultra sound revealed only a small portion of his heart was functioning, and the left chamber was flacid and flapping, not filling. He never once complained, or seemed in pain. In fact he ate more and was more cuddly than ever. The doctor removed a lot of fluid from his lungs, but she said although he was no longer at risk for imminent death, his lungs would steadily refill. So we did what we had to do. We sent our 10 year old best buddy over the Rainbow Bridge.
 He lived with my son's family for six years, then when they moved away, we took him. He was our sweet boy for three years. Such a docile and sweet kitty, he loved "hiding" in a paper bag.
 He enjoyed watching his favorite show, the fish aquarium on Net-Flix. He always looked toward the floor when one of the fish swam downward and disappeared from view.

Last year, the Hershey Kisses holiday commercial, where the kisses ring We Wish You A Merry Christmas like hand bells, always got his attention. He'd come running, sit in front of the TV and watch it, turning his head this way and that. This year when he heard it, something in his memory triggered. He looked at me quizzically. He wasn't the brightest, but he was sure the sweetest and cuddliest.
He had a "relationship" with a chipmunk who scampers in front of our door and runs in and out of the bushes. Kitty would talk to the birds on the lawn, and he liked to look out the front door at passersby.

What he really liked was when Liam came through the door each Monday. At first he was jealous of him, and avoided him when he was little. Lately, he ran TO him instead of away from him, because he knew Liam would feed him his treats. At nap time, they would both curl up on the bed. I dread having to tell his little buddy tomorrow.

I'm going to miss him sleeping at my feet, meowing for his breakfast, and following us around the house. He had to be in the same room with us. And his favorite place to snooze was between Bill's legs in his recliner with the foot rest raised.

Tweeny was loved so much. He will be missed, and I know the ache will eventually ease, but right now, our eyes are red and our emotions are raw.

Blog friend Claudia is still hospitalized trying to recover from surgery, and will be there a while. That is all anyone knows right now. I appreciate your prayers and concern for her well being. Cancer took another friend and fellow writer, Mary Hughes, last week, and a high school buddy was recently diagnosed with cancer.

On a happy note, my doctor walked in the exam room and said, "You sure look good on paper!"

Of course it would have been better to hear her say, "Wow! For an old broad you look great." But I knew she was talking about physical exam results. Haven't shrunk at all, and am maintaining my blood pressure, cholesterol, and weight. I told her I'd prefer to lose 20 pounds. She said, "But for your age, your BMI is within the norm, so you're okay." My lab results all improved, and I am not on any prescription medications.

She asked if I regularly exercise. I told her about 3-4 times a week I walk briskly up and down the aisles at either Wal-Mart, Sam's or Costco. She nodded, and then this evil little grin crossed her face and she said, "But do you stop at every little freebie booth for a handout?" I smiled and lied, "No, my husband does." She laughed.

I have a lot to be thankful for, especially your readership and kind words. Winter is about to nip at  my nose and toes here in St. Louis. Stay warm if it's cold where you are.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

We could all use another FRIEND


"And a little child shall lead them... "
 Liam's first Christmas. He was six months old here, and his big blue eyes took in everything!
 At 18 months old all he cared about was lights and balls. He was thrilled with the tree lights reflecting on the living room walls. Look at those short little legs. They have taken him places.
And here he is at 2 1/2, slouching down, or he'd be a couple inches taller than the snow family. His legs dangle off the chair now.

Liam thinks every single kid he sees is his friend. Each Monday I ask him if he wants to go to the mall playground or Monkey Joe's, the bouncy house jumping place. He asks, "My friends be there?"
I tell him, I don't know about the bounce house place, but there will probably be kids at the mall.

He shouts excitedly, "I go mall to see my FRIENDS."

He gets more delightful by the day. His vocabulary is advanced, and I think he is going to go for the older women. His mama said they were at a store, and he was sitting in the cart jabbering away.

When she stepped in front of the cart to unload it, Liam noticed this darling little four year-old girl staring at him. His legs were dangling in front of her face.  Delightfully surprised, he smiled and said, "HI, girl."  When she didn't respond, he introduced himself.

"My name Liam (and his last name), and then he told her, "I'm two." With a big smile and great expectation, he waited for a reply. NOTHING. He couldn't understand why she did not respond to him, as most adults do when he talks.

So he began naming all the colors of the balloons nearby, he told her shapes of things, and he God Blessed every family member he could think of. I'm telling you this little boy is going to be a heart breaker.

Finally the little girl smiled at him. It made his day, and he was thrilled to no end. He talked about his new friend all the way home.

Instead of seeing our differences, maybe we should look for ways in which we are alike. Instead of perceiving an enemy, why not regard the person behind, in front of, or waiting on us as a potential friend? 

With the holiday season upon us and so much upheaval and evil in the world, I imagine if everybody smiled and said hello to a stranger, peace might begin to spread... like oozing butter on those yummy Hawaiian rolls I've been stuffing into my mouth for days. 

I promise not to inundate you with any more Liam photos for at least another week. I only babysit him on Mondays.

May I ask a favor, please? Say a healing prayer for blog friend and writer Claudia Mundel who is undergoing major cancer surgery today. 

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Vortex of confusion and disillusion


Do you ever feel as though you're caught up in a whirlwind storm, a funnel cloud of negativity? Does it seem like the world and many of the people you know are spiraling out of your orbit? Are you reaching for something that is not there? Trying to get a grasp? Feel as if everything is fleeting, changing, or slipping away? 

Liam and I were at the Science Center.

When overwhelmed and confused by so many images, it feels as though we're meeting ourselves coming and going. We feel cornered, a sense of helplessness, and don't know which way to turn. 


Confused? Unsure? Don't know what to do next?

Maybe it's time to 
STOP
  • Scrolling social media sites and reading political rants. 
  • High-fiving and endorsing those with which you align.
  • Trying to convince the other "side." It's futile. It's divisive.
  • Focusing on what is wrong. Discover what YOU can do that is right.
  • Thinking you can't make a difference. Peace does begin with you and me.


If you are a person of faith, look up and cast your cares on your higher power.  If you are an agnostic or atheist, look inward and listen to your inner voice. Fight for justice... not just against something but for some thing, some one, some group...

because one day the oppressed, the needy, the weak, and helpless could be YOU.

Wishing you a calm presence in your life this weekend, an assurance that we will survive. 
As my friend, Gloria Gaynor sang, "At first I was a afraid. I was petrified..."

For my friends battling cancer, I send a special prayer on your behalf that you experience physical, emotional, and spiritual comfort and healing, a reprieve from worry and pain.


Friday, November 18, 2016

I'm a believer


Many years ago when my friend was battling lung cancer, I took her for a radiation appointment.
I reminded her about a story we'd read years before when our kids were little. Two best friends, one terminally ill, made a pact that if there was an afterlife, she would send her friend a flower in the middle of winter. It happened.

That day in the doctor's office, Rose and I made the same pact.

On the anniversary of her death, she sent me a beautiful flower, with four buds. They opened to the size of large carnations...during sub zero temperatures and a hard freeze. That story was published in Chicken Soup for the Gardener's Soul.

Every year in November around the anniversary of her death, I have received a flower.

This year with unseasonably warm temperatures, it would be easy to dismiss this tiny pink flower as a straggler. But NO, it was not there yesterday, and all of the sedum has withered and dried up.

Today, on the anniversary of my friend's death, I discovered this. I say, "Thank you, Rose. You've done it again."

Monday, November 14, 2016

Thursday evening 6-8 please join us.


Local Author Open House for Over 100 Authors!
                   I am one of the one hundred!

We eat local, we shop local, so let’s read local! Don’t miss the St. Charles City-County Library District’s Local Author Open House. At this one-of-a-kind event more than 100 local authors will be gathered in one place to sell and autograph their books, and to talk to visitors about how they got their start.

The 2016 Local Author Open House, now in its 8th year, is being held on Thursday, November 17 from 6:00 to 8:00 pm at the Spencer Road Branch, 427 Spencer Road, St. Peters, MO 63376.

“This gathering of so many local authors in one place, is an event that you will not find anywhere else in the area,” said St. Charles City-County Library District Adult Services Manager Sara Nielsen. “We are excited to be able to help people discover the many authors that live right here in our own community.”

The St. Charles City-County Library District offers a special collection that features the work of local authors. This collection is housed at the Middendorf-Kredell Branch, or you can browse and reserve a title online. To access the collection online, go to www.youranswerplace.org/specialservices and select “Local Author Collection.”

Refreshments will be provided, and attendance prizes will be given out. Register online at youranswerplace.org or call the Spencer Road Branch at 636-441-0522.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Help! She poked me in my funny bone, and I can't stop laughing.

I needed a good laugh, and my blog gal pal Val provided it here.

Val (aka Kathy), a recently retired teacher, sits in her haunted, dark, backwoods basement, sips Diet Coke, and writes OH SO WITTY.

Reading her post had my jelly belly rolling like the guy in the red suit who's due in town in a little over a month. I encourage you to take a peek...if you're not CHICKEN!



Thanks to Sioux for originating this B of B B on her blog here. I encourage you to participate.


Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Not asking for permission

In an effort to calm myself and those who read my blog, I will not participate in political bashing. I am soothing my ache with pictures of my fur babies.   

 She really was my first baby. I loved her so much. She had a large receptive vocabulary. I could tell her to get a specific toy, and she would. One time I came home from work and found her rolling in chicken feathers. She'd  ripped up a bed pillow and was having a blast!

During the time she was my girl, in 1977, I had to have a tubal ligation. My then-husband took me to the hospital in an icy snow storm for an overnight stay. The staff panicked the next morning after they had already prepped me.

When they realized they could not proceed with my procedure because they had failed to get HIS written permission for a procedure on MY body, they made a conference call with him, me, the Hospital Administrator, a nurse, and doctor as witnesses. They made an exception and obtained my husband's expressed verbal permission to operate on MY body as if I were his property.

Ladies, think long and hard about that. We've come a long way baby! The results of the presidential election may take us all back to those days. I believe women, not the government, husbands, or hospital administrators, should have control of THEIR bodies. I am not pro abortion by any means, but I respect a woman's right to make her own decisions.



 This puppy was six months old, a kooky, big oaf who couldn't keep his tail up, and it often dragged the ground.
 This little sweety roamed the Alaskan wilderness with him and often brought him home at night with his many finds: the neighbors bra, a kid's hat, a butchered moose leg... and the list goes on and on.
 She had the brains, and he had the brawn, and I had big hair in 1970 when I was in Alaska expecting my first baby. My then-husband could not be present when I gave birth, nor was he allowed to see me at 10:00 p.m. after visiting hours and having worked an overnight shift and driven 100 miles to the army hospital. Times were different then.

 Kitty No-No makes me happy, even though he is not the brightest. He is the sweetest! He has a one word receptive vocabulary. If I say the word "eat" he runs to the kitchen.

Here he is being duped by false promises, hopes and dreams, as many Americans have been by an overbearing man with the temperament of a toddler and the codes to nuclear launch, our future president.
 I hope you come back. I will be posting an announcement about an event next week. 

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Ready...aim...fire!

Did you know the rubber band was patented in 1845 by Stephen Perry in England?


                                           

I am certain that I could make an enormous rubber band ball such as this if I followed the mail carrier. When I walk a mile in the neighborhood, I find thick rubber bands on the ground every few houses. I read that the US Postal Service is one of the greatest users of rubber bands. 

I have been in the bowels of the main post office downtown where mail is sorted. I took older students on a field trip there to see how mail goes from mailbox to destination. We learned a lot of facts and heard many opinions. Most of the employees were women who stood on their feet most of their shifts and sorted mail electronically by zip codes, or by hand when the zip code was unreadable on the envelopes. 

They shouted at my students, "Get a good education. You don't want to work here! Don't use fancy envelopes with decorations on the bottom. The machines won't sort them and we have to do it by hand."

The postal workers were probably overworked and releasing frustrations. But to tell you the truth, I sort of felt like we were visiting a dingy prison where the inmates were about to revolt.

I digress. Let's get back to rubber bands. I have often used a large rubber band as a bookmark. It works well.

Let me tell you about my latest adventure with a rubber band. Nicole was opening her birthday gifts. One of her dolls had a thick, long rubber band on it. When she removed it, it shot across the room and she couldn't find it.

My ex and my present husband were seated close to one another at the corners of a sectional couch. Bill was seated on the large couch and my ex on the small one. I was seated at the far end of the large couch.

Ten minutes into their political yammering and downright debating, I cleared my throat. I get it that my long-time ex didn't remember my attention signal. But Bill knows my heavy emphasis throat clearing is for effect only and not because of sinus drainage. Neither of them looked my way.

That is when I spotted the thick rubber band near my right foot. I needed to divert their attention. I placed one end on my index finger, pulled back, and aimed at my sweet baboo's thick, muscular right shoulder. He doesn't complain about flu shots, so I knew he would feel the ping, not complain, but get my drift.

I cocked my finger, stretched the band taut, took aim, and launched right at his arm. Like a curve ball it swerved and hit my ex right in the cheek. 

It took me by surprise as well as both guys. I sputtered, laughed at his bug-eyed expression, and Bill's What the hell did you just do! expression. I apologized, and couldn't stop laughing. My ex joked, "She's mean!" and then laughed with the rest of the crowd. I swear, it wasn't on purpose.

So, how do YOU use rubberbands?