Friday, April 26, 2019

Scamming the scammer

"Hello?" I answered the phone.

"Grandma?" said a female with an African accent.

"Baby, I've been waiting for your call."

"You have? Did you hear I was in an accident?"

"No, did you hear Grandpa and I were, too?"

LONG PAUSE. "For real?"

"Yes. Drunk driver totaled our car."

"Oh my. No car? They take you car?

"Yes, we are a mess, too."

Long pause. "Oh dear, this is terrible. I will have to call you back."

"I hope you feel better, honey."

"Oh dear, now what?" she mumbled before she hung up. CLICK.

I'm wondering what the protocol is for her when her rehearsed lines don't produce desired results? 

Monday, April 22, 2019

Are you growing in the right direction?

Are you a writer? These little boys of ours are "writing" their life stories with every activity they engage in and every memory they make. 
Charlie is the happiest baby, loves his  baby electronic activity pad, and is eager to learn new
things. ARE YOU EAGER TO LEARN new technology, a new poem form, or a different technique? You are never too old or young to learn.

Alex is usually pensive and observes everything around him. He likes to see how and why things tick, and he loves to tinker. Do you collect and store information? 

Liam is an active learner and prefers to jump right in. He thinks everyone is his friend. And he is so interested in learning to read, write, and spell.

My writer friends, and all others, reach high. Do not give up easily. Climb over obstacles... find a way to attain your goals.
Stretch your way to success. Have an "I can do it!" or an "I can try it!" attitude. Never say NEVER.
Sometimes you will feel down, especially when you don't meet your goals or don't have enough time to pursue your interests. Take five minutes or ten and BEGIN. You do not have to finish, but if you never begin, you cannot possibly finish. Takes more muscles to frown than smile, so put on a happy face and begin.

Receiving a rejection can make you feel down right mad. Don't pout or cry too long. Rejection is seldom about you, personally. It has more to do with editorial needs. Take a nap and refresh.

Never stop growing, changing, and attaining new heights. Reach for the stars, and know that elbowing your way into position (as Nicole and Nicholas did while I was snapping pics) sometimes pays off. Be confident in your pursuits.

Spring has arrived, and it's time to come out of hibernation. If you've been lazing around, get outdoors and enjoy fresh air, new growth, and nature's beauty.

Then go inside and write a paragraph, or a couple sentences to share with me. Will you?

Thursday, April 18, 2019

Laugh out loud funny

When I am on a roll I am like a rolling stone. I saw a call for submissions for Laugh Out Loud stories for Can upcoming Chicken Soup for the Soul book.
I got right to work today and just submitted my sixth story. My fingers are sore from typing all day and my laugh lines are deep from laughing at my Lucy antics.

Why don't you consider writing something funny that happened to you? cant; think of anything? here are some of my topics: getting a ring stuck on my finger, accidentally destroying a hotel bed sheet, mistakenly identifying a Book Mobile as a mobile mammography van... such is my life. 

Monday, April 15, 2019

Taking your readers by storm

When I was a little girl, I heard my mom say, "St. Louis weather! Chili today and hot tamale." Well, that is what I thought she said. Now I realize she said "Chilly today and hot tomorrow."

Actually the weather is bipolar at the moment. Freezing this morning and the temperature will rise to 80 degrees tomorrow.

I like warmth, so I will take 80 over 32 any day. Spring storms ripped across the US and caused death and destruction. Our town had trees uprooted and power lines down, but only a few skinny tree limbs in our backyard.

Did you ever misspeak, or misinterpret something you heard?

Be careful when you right to use the correct spelling and write tense.

I will tell you something about those who reply to this post.

Thursday, April 11, 2019

LISTEN to your mom!

I am asking for your support. I'd love to see you in the audience shouting my name, cheering, "You rock, and your baby does, too!"

No, really, applause will do. Please come out to support Listen to Your Mother, St. Louis, a stage performance which focuses on motherhood.

Most writers in this town fondly remember our dear friend, Claudia Mundell, President of Joplin, MO Writer's Guild who developed an anthology as a fundraiser to benefit the Joplin Library after the devastating tornado wiped it out a few years ago. Claudia passed away last year from Ovarian Cancer. Proceeds from this event will benefit St. Louis Ovarian Cancer Awareness.

I'm so excited to announce that out of more than 100 writing submissions, my story Embarrassing Baby was one of 30 chosen to audition for this annual event that also takes place in cities across the U.S.

I was one of only 12 cast members chosen to be in this year's (7th season) Listen to Your Mother St. Louis stage show.

 Local writers will read their original personal essays to the audience in a span of ninety minutes. 
The stories will make you laugh, cry, sigh, and say, "Oh My!"

Show times are at 11:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m. on Saturday, May 11th. I'm including a link to the EventBrite page where tickets can be purchased. Please pass this on.

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Say Cheese...or money

Sears and Penneys ran specials
on portraits way back when. 

I had the kids' pictures taken monthly
but could not afford the package of ten.

The catch was they offered  a freebie,
but the pose was always the worst.

Then they showed me a selection of great ones
until they got me to empty my purse.

I have an entire album of portraits
taken  monthly until they turned one

Every six months thereafter...
School picture packages sure were fun.

This is a reprint of my favorite picture of Tracey and Jason. 

They did not have red hair.  They were blondes. Back then you couldn't edit your own photos like you can now.

And to think, almost fifty years later, Sears is gone and J.C. Penneys  is on the verge of collapse.
But I have an entire album of 8x10s and many 
loving memories to last.

Monday, April 1, 2019

See You Later Alligator

The neighbor at the corner of the cul de sac
was known to throw back a few.
He smoked wacky tobaccy at leisure
and even drank homemade brew.

Spring rains overflowed the small gulley
and washed debris through the sewer pipe.
When he saw a small head emerging,
the old boy screamed and let out a yipe.

My daughter peeked out the window,
and watched him pick up a hoe.
He whacked and nearly decapitated
the wild animal that came through the flow.

My seven-year-old granddaughter panicked,
let out a piercing scream
as her three foot pet alligator
flowed out of her yard and continued downstream.

She ran out of the house shouting, "Please don't cut off his head!"
"Back away, kid" the guy shouted. "This thing is almost dead."
"You brought this home from Florida?!" he asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, but it's only made of rubber."

He flung the hoe and a sigh of relief.

(And yes, this really happened.)