Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Medusa has nothing on her!

What makes us say and do these things?
It was another day of belly laughing. I had a two hour lunch with a dear friend. She is hysterically funny, has a wonderful and sometimes warped sense of humor. She said she is concerned that on the verge of her fiftieth birthday, she just might be on the verge of menopause.
"What ARE hot flashes? I don't think I've ever had one. Everything in the lady department seems to be regular. But I think it's menopause causing my erratic symptoms."

"Well, then, what are your symptoms?" I asked.

"This crazy snake lady comes out of my head, (she entwined her hands overhead like she was doing the Flamenco), wraps around anything or anyone that gets in my way and makes me say things I would never say. I am losing my filter."

I told her that I'd read somewhere that elderly Native American women are forgiven all of their foibles. They can get away with saying anything after menopause.

"Since my husband lost his job, he tends bar sometimes at an upscale restaurant. I am not jealous. I knew he would be out late, so I went to bed. During the night our six year old had climbed into bed with me. When he rolled over and plowed into my gut, I sat up and looked at the clock. This snake-head lady erupted out of my head. I dialed my husband's cell phone. He answered after a few rings and sounded groggy (or drunk). I tore into him. 'Do you know how unfair it is of you to make me worry like this? A phone call is all I ask for. There are only two places you could possibly be at this hour, either at a bar or at someone's house. It is 2:30 in the morning and all I want is the truth from you. Where the hell are you?!' "

Quietly, he replied, "In the other room, trying to sleep in our son's small bed."

We were laughing so hard and loud, gasping for air. The manager at Panera Bread Company walked over to us, and when he saw that he did not have to dial 911, he feigned interest in removing our dishes. I teach preschool, and I know the art of distraction vs. confrontation. I'm sure he would have urged us to take it down a notch or leave, except he caught a glimpse of the snakes unfurling from our menopausal heads.

Care to share your embarrassing moment? Laughter is good for the system as long as you're wearing a discreet wet your pants pad.


Pat Wahler said...

What a funny story! Menopause definitely isn't for sissies.

Critter Alley

SImple and Serene Living said...

That is so funny. Now that I am well beyond menopause I feel that I can definitely do and say what I want. :)
xo Laura

Bookie said...

Great story. I have had some of those moments, but hard to reconstruct the funny. One time comes to mind and it was sadly at my grandmother's funeral. We were at the visitation and whatever the prompt...something about Grandma not liking some of the event and turning over in her mother who was the disliked daughter in law broke out laughing. She and my sisters started laughing and could not stop...others at the visitation were stunned. Well, we must laugh at ourselves even if one of us is in the coffin.

Cathy C. Hall said...

You know, I'd love to share some of my stories--but I can't remember 'em anymore!

(I do remember laughing a lot. That has to count for something!)

Val said...

I was just a little bit mortified when I came out of the ER waiting room bathroom after vomiting, and almost ran into a dude carrying an Igloo cooler. He gave me a dirty look.

"I'm sorry. I was sick. I didn't have time to close the door." Apparently, this was not his issue.

"Well, it IS the MEN'S room."

Sioux Roslawski said...

I recently had my skirt tucked into my underwear. It was mildly amusing for me, but horrifying for the custodian.

Connie said...

Hahaha! Oops! What a great story. :D

Pearl said...

Menopause has not been particularly funny yet. Glad to see that it might be, though!


Susan said...

I can just see the two of you laughing your heads off, Linda. You are a hoot.

A lot of funny things have happened to me but, like Cathy, none come to mind at the moment.

Thanks for all your visits! Susan

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

So funny! Menopause has put a few dents in my filter, too, so I can relate with that for sure.

The worst for me is just forgetting things. One night last week before going to bed I was traipsing all over the house looking for my cell phone so I could plug it in to recharge. Couldn't find it. Hubby nearly came undone because, well, I had it in my hand the whole time! And that isn't the first time I've done that. Nothing to do but laugh and roll with it.