Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Raging Hormones

I had lunch with delightful writer friend, Tammy.

We all know that writers have A.D.D. We skirted all sorts of topics and landed on relationships. Tammy is insightful and proposed that all this time women have been blaming our guy problems on testosterone, but it's possible that the problems have been because of estrogen. Once menopause happens, we discover our true selves.

My thought on this: another word for estrogen is PLEASE. Please may I? Please allow me. Please stop. Pleaser!

When the estrogen is depleted we finally focus on pleasing ourselves.

Could it be, like the recent discovery of a possible cure for diabetes, Tammy and I have stumbled upon a gender realted biological discovery, the real reason why so many relationships fail?

All kidding aside, I believe that communication is the real problem in most relationships. Too many of us listen with the intent to retort instead of hearing the other person out. Sometimes all the other person wants is to be heard, not to have his or her 'way'.

If only more couples would validate the other, instead of debate.

11 comments:

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

So true, and not just with couples. My oldest daughter told me once, "Mom, I'm not asking for advice. I really just need to vent." I realized that every time she came to me complaining about anything I always tried to fix it. Sometimes just listening is the best thing. Listening really works. Who knew?

Tammy said...

I loved how you said women tend not to know what we really want until our late 30s to early 40s! So true!

Susan said...

I agree totally, Linda. Lack of communication can be a real problem in a relationship and the art of listening must be carefully honed. Susan

BECKY said...

So glad you and Tammy could get together today! Sometime very soon, we all have to meet for coffee, lunch, dinner, whatever....before you're back at work!! Oh, and yeah....ditto on everything y'all said!! It's like the quote I have at the top of my blog....WE DID NOT CHANGE AS WE GREW OLDER; WE JUST BECAME MORE CLEARLY OURSELVES. -- Lynn Hall. I just LOVE that!!

Bookie said...

Interesting post, Linda. I am thinking on it. My friends and I have been going through some "changes", discussing what is happening. Two comments I hear repeated are: I never thought I would be married to an old man...and...this is the lonliest time in my life. These ladies aren't whiners but I am hearing a pattern..... Ah gender differences are blessings and curses at the same time.

Linda O'Connell said...

Hi Ladies,
Maybe it IS because of our estrogen levels; maybe we are hardwired to please the testosterone driven male. I did things when I was young to keep the peace that I wouldn't consider now that I am ahem, older. Becky, Lynn Hall's quote is so true. Claudia, I have heard the same complaints as well. Lisa and Susan, you know that old saying, one mouth, two ears. And Tammy, I believe with all my heart women are so driven to please that in our youth we please others in seeking to make others happy and feel loved and accepted. Then we reach our mid to late thirties and we know what we DON'T want, but not yet what we DO want. Then we come into our own in our forties and make life-altering changes and choices. I've seen it happen over and over and over with women. Have a great day everyone.

BECKY said...

Hey Linda, once again you've said some very insightful stuff! I, too, am definitely not the same person I was even a few years ago, let alone 10, 20, 30 years ago! And to Claudia...I'm sorry to hear that some of your friends are so lonely! I found that surprising, because I can't ever see myself saying that. I have too many intersts and passions to keep from being bored, which surely leads to lonliness. Are some of the ladies widows? Just curious....

irishoma said...

How true about communications being a problem, not only in marriages but in other relationships.
Donna

Cathy C. Hall said...

The art of communicating-they ought to have a lesson in that in pre-marital counseling so that we don't spend years bumbling around :-)

You always give me something to think about, Linda. Thanks.

Linda O'Connell said...

Donna,
You hit the nail on the head. Sometimes I'd like to knock some people upside the head. grin

Linda O'Connell said...

Cathy,
Premarital counseling, hmmm,let me think back...oh yeah, we were advised to tie ourselves together with an imaginary rope and make it a square knot, one that would not slip. I hung by that noose for 25 years. If only someone would have told me when to speak up and when to shut up.