Thursday, November 10, 2011

Wear your words wisely

Usually on Fridays, we go to a nearby buffet because I like the catfish. They also serve breakfast on weekends but we had never eaten there.

Sunday morning we drove past the new International House of Pancakes because there were picketers stringing a parking lot-length banner which stated SHAME ON IHOP. It was probably a union dispute, but how do I know they weren't putting a forbidden ingredient in their pancakes and omelets?

We drove to Denny's for their advertised Grand Slam Breakfast: two of everything, eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes. The line looked like Noah's Ark, two by two out the door.

We decided to try Golden Corral, the trough food place. I am a people watcher. I couldn't believe how crowded that place was, how overweight 99% of the diners were, and how delicious the maple flavored 1/2 slices of bacon were.

After our meal we sat and sipped another cup of coffee so I could take written notes. Some folks were dressed to the hilt and obviously had come from church. They wore glitzy dresses, sparkly shirts and suits.

Some people in their twenties, I'd bet money on, couldn't even spell the names of the universities embroidered across their sweatshirts.(Goodwill sometimes has good sales.)

Most teens wore product advertisements; branded with logos and company names. Unlike my kids who had to wear mix and match Garanimals until they were thirteen, these kids wore names of Fortune Five Hundred Companies. I'll bet none of the CEOs were stuffing their faces at a buffet.

Younger children wore T shirts with wisecracks printed on them.
What are you looking at?
If You're Looking for Trouble, Here I am!
I'm With Stupid. (That kid was being held in his seventeen year old dad's arms.)

As I looked around I noticed pretty teenage girls wearing granny skirts and ugly oxfords, not so pretty grannies wearing mini skirts and high heel shoes sporting an assortment of spindle legs, plump stumps, and turkey drumstick-shaped varicose-veined gams.

Males and females wore their affiliations and fondesses on their bodies in the form of art, tattooes ie: needles and ink, no thank you. I'm not one to judge; each to his own. I just know that no one is etching my neck, arms or legs. Not to mention other parts of one's body that I prefer to cover, unlike one gal who preferred to show her proud purchase off.

Emblazoned across her chest flesh, well let's be honest, breasts, was the word BEAUTIFUL.

I almost choked on my coffee when my husband said to me, "Hey, Beautiful, you ready to go?"


Janet, said...

Oh my gosh. This just proves that it is not just Wal Mart that these type of people visit. (you've seen the WalMart pictures - right?)I think I'll have to take notes the next time I am out and about, there's got to be a good book out there somewhere just waiting to be jotted down. It made a great blog post. You are a very good detective.

Sioux Roslawski said...

My husband managed a Ponderosa years ago. There was a family he called "The Polyesters" who came in regularly, and stayed until the place had closed and the staff was vacuuming around them.

Yes, it IS fun to people watch.

Tammy said...

Thank you for sharing your feast for the eyes. It was a delight!

Donna Volkenannt said...

I need to get out more.
Thanks for making me laugh this morning.

Southhamsdarling said...

My goodness - so many sights to see whilst you were enjoying your coffee!! It really does make you wonder about some people, doesn't it?! I bet you were scribbling like mad in your little notebook. I loved the line where you said that probably half of them couldn't even spell the names of the Universities on their tops. You mean that they didn't really go to University??!! Oh my goodness, I'm probably glad that I wasn't there to see the word 'beautiful' emblazoned across that lady's breasts!! You're right, this did give me a laugh. Eeeek!!

Cathy C. Hall said...

Had a chance to catch up on Linda World today. Thanks for the laughs--(restaurants are prime people watching, aren't they? Though I'd be lying if I didn't think that sometimes, WE'RE the ones being watched. :-)

Kim Lehnhoff said...

If we were at Golden Corral, here's how you'd describe us. Me: frumpy in jeans and a shirt, and my usual Crocs. The Mister: Enthusiastic eater, food stain on shirt. Always wears dress pants and loafers (even with shorts - geek). The Boy: Eats like a Hoover, wearing jeans and either a shirt with a sarcastic message, or one emblazoned with a Muppet character.

People watching is one big reason I like to go out for lunch by myself. Wish I still did that (hate you, economy).

Pat Wahler said...

Eeek! Now you're making me wonder what someone is jotting down about me!

Critter Alley

Dianna Graveman said...

Hilarious piece, Linda. Did you take notes while you were there, or did you remember all this later? I need to start remembering to carry a notebook!

Pat said...

You're a great people-watcher as well as a great describer of said people! In my mind I can see all those characters you described, and I love the ending with your husband's comment and your reaction! :D

BB said...

People watching is one of my favorite past times. You see just how different everyone. I do it at the beach the most and believe me that's a blog worthy post if ever!!

Lynn said...

Okay, those last two sentences were so funny!