I lived 100 miles from North Pole, Alaska in 1969-70 (army life off base with my ex, a soldier). Typical winter windchills were negative 35 to -50 degrees. My breath would freeze in clouds and my words would actually fall when I spoke. Quite an experience.
I am concerned for the people and animals in the path of this dangerous winter storm predicted to dump snow and bring temperatures with windchills in the minus 25 range. I hope you stay safe and have a very happy holiday. I wrote this years ago, but it always gets a chuckle. Enjoy!
Mrs. Claus’ Point of View
'T was the night before Christmas at the North Pole,
Old Santa was edgy, feeling quite droll.
Mrs. Claus was baking, and the house smelled yummy.
Santa walked into the kitchen, sneaked up on his honey.
He reached for a snicker-doodle still warm on the tray.
Big Mama said, "No more! You've eaten two dozen today.
Your cholesterol is up, your triglycerides soaring,
absolutely no more, and I’m tired of your snoring.
"You’re going to have to start losing some weight.
And do you realize the time? It IS getting late."
Chubby old Santa said, "Oh, Woman, drat!
You’re always complaining about this or that.
"Where are my long Johns?" he dared to inquire.
"For Pete's sake," she said, "They're still in the dryer."
Wiping her hands on her apron she turned with a jerk.
Mumbled under her breath, "It's all women's work!"
"Get dressed, Dear Old Santa, go hitch up the sleigh.
Get all the presents and be on your way."
Santa tugged on his suit, and as Mrs. Claus watched
he loosened his belt another notch.
"I think you should leave now!"
"I think that I will, but first I need my cholesterol pill.
Blood pressure pill and one for my arthritis,
another one for my sinusitis.
A Dramamine tablet so I won't get dizzy,
a calm-me-down pill, so I'm not in a tizzy.
"Vitamin C so I don’t sniffle and sneeze,
Asthma medication so I don’t hack and wheeze."
"Be on your way, Man! Get going; you're done.”
"Wait," Santa shouted, "I forgot just one."
He popped a little blue pill, climbed into his sleigh.
"Ah, the miracle drugs they have today!
"I have forty-eight hours to get a…"
"LONG WINTER'S NAP!" she exclaimed as he drove out of sight.
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
5 comments:
LOL! Great poem, Linda. :-)
I love it!
Santa is a rascal!
Wow, interesting that you lived near North Pole, Alaska for a year. The temperatures are freezing, indeed. The coldest here in the mountains was about 11 degrees, and I can't even imagine it being below 35 to 50. That must have been quite an experience for you.
Merry Christmas to you Linda.
~Sheri
It's probably a good thing that Santa is going to be busy all night!
The Arctic conditions in the Plains are really awful. I suppose the folks who live there are going to be plagued with power cuts, too. Very sad!
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