We are safe; are any of us really safe?

I'd like to wish each of you a Happy Thanksgiving and blessed holiday. 

Please pray for or send good thoughts to Ferguson, Missouri, a community about thirty miles away, which is in great turmoil because of the actions of a few agitators who prefer outlandish and criminal behavior to peaceful protest. Crowd mentality is building and spreading across America.

True, there is need for change, but positive change does not result from anger, violent actions, rioting and looting. I am ashamed. Unrest and peace disturbance in other neighborhoods has led to cancellations of schools, classes, businesses closing early, and the postponement of our downtown Thanksgiving Day parade.  It is sad that the majority does not rule and we allow a few to destroy our towns and threaten our well being.


If you have time, please take a look at my latest brief essay about giving thanks. I am proud to be a guest blogger on the Pallonttine Renewal Center site.
http://pallottinerenewal.org/2014/11/25/new-blog-the-habit-of-thanks/

Then, for a candid account of how Cappy Hall Rearick really felt about Thanksgiving, check out this link which will take you to a story in Not Your Mother's Book...On Family.

http://laughuntilyoupee.wordpress.com/ It will be posted on Thanksgiving day. I laughed out loud when I first received her submission. Cappy tells it like it is.

"Our Thanksgiving began in earnest after the SUV carrying the grandkids from hell was history. Looking at those diminishing taillights was a plentiful reason to give thanks."

Counting my blessings instead of my problems. Thank you for your readership.

Happy Halloween

 Didn't even consider trademark infringement... 

and we had so much fun 35 years ago!

 

Our children were young. We were next door neighbors. We worked a week on those heads. We used oversized balloons, paper machae`d them and allowed them to dry at Rose's house, then we painted them.

Rose and I had a blast that Halloween trick-or-treating with the kids. People would stop us and take our picture. We went into neighbors' homes and shocked the women as we acted a little too familiar and frisky with their husbands. We received more candy than the children that year. One of my fondest memories of my late friend Rose.

Now hop on over here and see what Kathe had to contend with...and it wasn't even Halloween when her kids spotted the costumed witches.

Did I ever tell you about the time...

I still get a flush thinking about how embarrassing it could have been at the book launch party when Dianna Graveman and I released and promoted Not Your Mother's Book...On Family, and Not Your Mother's Book...On Being a Mom, (Publishing Syndicate).

I was so nervous and excited as we greeted patrons outside StL Books in Kirkwood, MO, I wanted to raise my arm pits to the gentle evening breeze on July 15th. But, I didn't. Like Anne Lamott, I must have lipstick on. I discreetly reapplied frequently, then stuffed the tube back into my teeny tiny sweater pocket.

At the specified time, we invited everyone indoors for a raffle and readings. I stood at the entrance, and as the throng proceeded into the small bookstore I smiled, nodded, greeted; repeated...and then I felt it! Panic set in, and I almost lost it (literally). I saw Lynn's adult daughter, Jessica, making her way through the line and mouthed HELP ME? I hugged her as if we were old friends, even though I'd only met her recently. She looked surprised when I leaned in and whispered in her ear.

"Please, do me a favor. Bend down and retrieve my cellphone which has been making its way from my waist inside my slacks, and is traveling down my leg. It's almost at my ankle, and will be exiting at any minute."

She laughed, and without missing a stride, bent down, grabbed my phone and handed it to me. I owe that young lady a latte`.


StL Books in Kirkwood, on the corner of Kirkwood Road and W. Jefferson, has Not Your Mother's Books available, so if you are looking for a gift, want to chuckle at the humorous collections of short stories, or would like to support local authors, please stop in, purchase a book or two and say hello to Robin and her family. Tell them Linda and Dianna sent you.

Not Your Mother's Book...just what it implies

If you've been there/done that, you know how it is! Some of the stories in this book will make you laugh out loud remembering. New or expectant moms will swear, "Not me! Not ever."

Let's share the laughs. Please tell someone all about Not Your Mother's Book...On Being a Mom. 

This anthology, co created by Dianna Graveman, along with Ken and Dahlynn McKowen of Publishing Syndicate, would make a fantastic Mother's Day gift for the women in your life. It will be available nationwide on April 8th. Please check it out. My story about my surprise "tattoo" is included in this anthology. Can't wait to get this book in my hands.

Would you mind posting about it on your site? Thank you!  

Will you come out and play next week? PLEASE?

 

 

Do you see what I see?

When I first began to write for publication, I had no idea what I was doing. I was uncomfortable attending workshops, afraid a "real writer" would ask me what I wrote. I wanted to blend into the background and not stand out. I watched those around me and I listened to speakers share their knowledge and experiences.  

 

 

Slowly, I began to step out of my comfort zone. I smiled, greeted people by name and mingled at writer's guild meetings. Two years ago I attened my first Writer's Conference and pitched a book I had written. I felt so out of my league, but I didn't allow that to stop me.

 

I have met a lot of nice people who were very helpful. Soon, I was able to walk into a room with some degree of confidence. I began to share my knowledge and success stories. Now, I present at workshops, meeting and events. After having a story selected for publication by a national magazine, I was ecstatic. I was uncomfortable admitting that I seldom follow all the rules; in fact I've always submitted my work without query letters. I'm not bold and beligerent. I started out ignorant. I've always believed that my writing stands on its own, and if the editor is interested, my two sentence introduction will lead them right into the story, or not. I've always been willing to take that chance. The worst that could happen was someone would say, NO. And they did, frequently. But although I wanted to scream, "You dummy!" at myself, and the editor, I never stopped writing and submitting. Back then I spent a small fortune on postage.

 

Fifteen years later, having received my share of rejections and more than my share of acceptances, I am as proud as the chameleon, out in the open showing my true colors. I have rubbed shoulders and dined with editors and writers that you probably know, but I am not a name dropper and I do not put them or myself on a pedestal. We are all in various stages of learning, and sharing is part of the writing process. It is important to be kind to every writer.

I do not like the job of promoting my own work, but as a published writer, it is a requirement. Sometimes I feel as though I am imposing when I announce book signings, especially numerous times on social media. I never want to come off as boastful about new publication credits, but I am proud of how far I have come.


Some of you are stepping out of your comfort zones and submitting more. A rejection does not mean your writing is bad. It means your submission did not meet editorial needs ... this time. I have resent the same story at a later date or to a different publication and received an acceptance. You can't win if you don't come out and play.

 I am still accepting stories for the upcoming anthology, Not Your Mother's Book...On Family. Please send something.

Now the part that I don't like: begging. The co-creator of Not Your Mother's Book...On Travel will be flying in from Washington state to meet/greet and sign books. I know St. Louis writers support their fellow writers. Let's show Theresa Elders a hometown welcome.

Please pass the word around that I will be signing, Not Your Mother's Book...On Travel, at Main Street Books in St. Charles, MO on Sunday, June 2nd, at 1:00 p.m. with Theresa, Sheree Nielsen, Greg Lamping and Sioux Roslawski. PLEASE come out and play, stop by and say, hi.
 

St. Louisans, show us what you've got!

http://publishingsyndicate.com/publishing_syndicate/submissions/nymb_submit_guidelines.html
Submissions have reopened for a few weeks only for Not Your Mother's Book...On Family, which I am cocreating. You know you have wacky stories to share. Please, submit to the above link.

 Dianna Graveman is actively seeking stories for Not Your Mother's Book...On Being a Mom.

Our July deadline approaches, so please submit soon.

*****

On Sunday June, 2nd at 1:00 I will be doing a book signing for Not Your Mother's Book...On Travel at Main Street Books in St. Charles, MO. Take a Sunday stroll through this quaint little river town with its many shops and restaurants now housed in the former historic homes.

Meet the co creator of this wonderful book. Theresa Elders is flying in from Washington for this event. Please, let's give her a home town welcome and show her our friendly St. Louis spirit.

Also meet local authors who have stories in this anthology: Greg Lamping, Sheree  Nielsen, Sioux Roslawski and me.

Dog the Bounty Hunter will be there on Saturday 6/1 and will probably have 800 people seeking his autograph. We would be happy with 8, 18, 28, 80 people dropping by to see us. Share this message with others, please? Not necessarily about Dog; spread the word about Not Your Mother's Book...On Travel.

Submission call out, talk radio and shaking this monkey loose

I love monkeys. When I was a little girl, my dad (a story teller) used to tell me that when I went off to kindergarten he would get me a little monkey to carry my books to school in a satchel. I loved the word, 'satchel' as much as the thought of having my own little monkey. Not like the spider monkey kept in a cage at the gas station in 1953. I envisioned my very own baby chimpanzee. Didn't happen.

The cruise ship steward worked hard cleaning our cabin, changing beds twice a day, and folding towels to create scare-the-crap-out-of-me animals. I came in one night and found a huge bug-eyed crab on the bed, and I screamed. But oh, this monkey hanging from the ceiling made me laugh out loud.

The little bugger appears to have my head in a vise grip.  I have been back from vacation for a few days but I can't get back into my routine. I want to write. I sit down to write. And then it's as if that little tree climber squeezed the creativity right out of me. I sit in my comfy swivel office chair, look at the monitor and wonder why I came in here. I still have this monkey on my head.

I saw a call for stories in AARP Magazine.  For the third year in a row Consumer Cellular wants to hear grandparents' stories on what makes the grandparenting experience so special. In the past, readers shared stories about new perspectives and special moments, laughter and the little things that come so unexpectedly. Two grand prize winners will win either a European river cruise or vacaction package to Orlando, FL. Deadline Aug. 15th, plus there are other prize categories as well.

Check here for details.

A cruise! or a trip to Florida...wouldn't you think that would be enough to shake this monkey loose? I am uninspired. Going to give it one more day of R&R (THAT's RELAXATION and RADIO) and then I'm going to write like crazy.

Tune in Monday 7/9 to our radio interview with Dellani Oakes, Daytona, FL (where I would rather be) at 3:00 p.m. Central time.

Dianna Graveman, and I will discuss writing topics.

Anne Lamott...telling it the way it is and was

Local writer, Sioux and I had an up close visit with author, Anne Lamott and Sam, her gorgeous twenty-two year old son who co-authored her latest book, Some Assembly Required: A Journal of my Son's First Son. I was as close as the second row, aisle seat, direct line of eye contact with the mother of all mothers, writer of all writers. Anne and Sam read excerpts and shared family and parenting antecdotes.

Sam read about being anxious for his son's umbilical cord to fall off, and when it did, he thought Jax's guts were exposed and he needed immediate surgery. Actually, his navel was still gooey. The audience laughed loud and long.

Anne is such a real person, as vulnerable and humble a writer as you and I. She's a Nana who admits she has some control issues, but she is trying. She told us how her unmarried nineteen year old son had told her he'd offered his couch to a young woman. "Couch, uh-huh, (Sam actually blushed) and now I have a two and a half year old grandson."

Parenting, writing, living, loving, learning, day by day, one moment at a time; looking back, looking forward, doing our best ... their messages were honest, humorous, meaningful, spiritual and powerful. They spoke from the heart about being a family. They are on Twitter @annelamott and @SAMLAMOTT (all caps).

Are you willing to share your family stories?
Publishing Syndicate has thirty-five anthology titles in development. I am co-creating, Not Your Mother's Book...On Family. Dianna Graveman, is co-creating two NYMB anthologies: Not Your Mother's Book...On Being a Mom, and Not Your Mother's Book...On Becoming a Mom. The stories are arriving daily.

Who doesn’t have a slew of great stories to share when it comes to their family? From funny family stories handed down through the generations to more current happenings that will one day turn into family legend, we want to hear them all. No holds barred.

Tentative Chapter Titles:

• I'm No Chicken! (wild antics)

• I'm Telling! You're in Trouble! (zany things you overheard, participated in or
witnessed)

• Dinner, down and dirty (stirring the pot, dishing it out, family mealtime)

• Forget the closet! (discovering family skeletons in a drawer, under a mattress, in
a letter)

• I inherited what? (keepsakes, antiques and quirks)

• Waiting in line for the john, the jam and the juice (sharing cramped spaces,
clothes)

• Ringleaders (your family circus guru, leader of your pack)

• Family reunions (unforgettable in so many ways; the missing link)

If you have other topic ideas, please send a first person essay. Submission guidelines

You know your sibling would tell on you! Beat him or her to the punch. Do you have a flaky relative?

Expectant mothers, tell us about your experiences. Shhh, I'll share one about me. My water broke, filled my blue suede shoes and when the doctor came in, he gasped when he saw me on the delivery table with dyed blue feet.

All you moms out there, I know that you have tales to tell. Your kids spilled the milk, now you can spill the goods. What made you laugh, cringe, gasp or cry?

Sam? Sam who?

It has been a rainy afternoon, one of those days when you want to go get a pizza, munch a brownie, and then take a nap. I am not admitting to doing any of this. The scale will reveal the truth on Sunday.

I fell asleep before the end of Jeopardy and woke up as the evening news was going off. Ninety minutes of repeated negativity. The nap was better, but it left me with half a brain.

The phone rang. Hubby said, "I'm meeting Robin at Sam's."

I asked, "Who is that?"

"Robin, my daughter. Are you awake?"

"Yes! I know who Robin is, but who is SAM?'

"Sam's Club."

"Ohhh! Okay."

I thought a cup of black coffee (and another bite of brownie) might jog the gray matter. I sat down at the computer and clicked the PASSWORD space. I waited and I clicked; I waited, clicked again, and I nibbled and I drank, and I mumbled, and I finally said, "What is wrong with you, dumb computer?"

What was wrong was the dumb computer operator hadn't ENTERED her password, just kept clicking the word, PASSWORD.

Another day in Linda's Looney World!

In all fairness, I needed that nap. I taught preschool today, and I wrote and submitted two stories, and I spent a couple of hours working on the anthology that I am co-creating for Publishing Syndicate. I hope that Dianna Graveman, who is the co-creator of two of the Not Your Mother's Books had a restful afternoon, too.

Please consider submitting your stories to an anthology I am co-creating, Not Your Mother's Book...On Family, and also send your first person stories to Not Your Mother's Book...On Being a Mom, and Not Your Mother's Book...On Moms-to-Be.

Guidelines for submitting through the website to more than thirty titles in development:
http://publishingsyndicate.com/publishing_syndicate/submissions/nymb_submit_guidelines.html

Married Life

So excited and I just can't hide it! My story, The Odd Couple, made the final cut and will be published in Chicken Soup Married Life! in June 2012.

Being married isn't any easier for the husband than it is for the wife. Sometimes it's like using a spoon to feed jelly beans to this small-mouthed Cookie Monster.

Best of intentions can go awry. It takes practice to achieve success. And sometimes you have to ask for a do over, just like these kids in my class.


Couples don't always speak the same language, and even when they do, interpretation can be misconstrued, because they don't always convey what they really mean. Partners are not mind readers, although ... some wives always seem to know what their husbands are thinking.

Communication is the key to all relationships. Be careful what spills out of your mouth when you are talking, and be concise when spilling words onto paper.

PUBLISHING OPPORTUNITY Submission period open for Not Your Mother's Book...On Family, that I am co-creating.
Dianna Graveman is also co-creating two of the anthologies: Not Your Mother's Book...On Being a Mom, and also Not Your Mother's Book...On Moms-to-Be. Submission form and guidelines for stories can be found here:
http://publishingsyndicate.com/publishing_syndicate/submissions/nymb_submit_guidelines.html
There are more than thirty titles in development. Please pass the word along to anyone who might be interested. Won't you send your stories too?

Turning the dogs loose

Yesterday we exceeded a weather record here in St. Louis. On March 14, 1971 it was 82 degrees. Yesterday the thermometer reached 86 degrees.

I am so ready to release my puppies. Would it be terribly wrong of me to just turn them loose and let them run the town? They have been barking for days, they want to be freed, but I am using retraint. They aren't cute young pups anymore; in fact they are old dogs. You know old dogs have problems, and it wouldn't be fair of me to release them on the unsuspecting.

First I'm going to have to groom them, take care of their paw pads which are in need of some Burt's Bees. Trim a wild hair or two, might even paint their nails just for fun. I'm like the dogs, I want to scamper, leap, trot, roll in the grass, but with my luck, I'd roll in a pile of something smelly.

So, I am going to tweeze that wild big toe hair, paint my nails, moisturize my heels and ease my old dogs into a pair of flip flops. That cute T.V. meteorologist promised an entire week of 80+ degrees days. I'm so excited, I am yapping and chasing my own tail. If that weather dude were here in my house, I'd lick his cheek and sit pretty.

A couple of posts back, I personified a purse. If you are interested in personifying an animal, here is a submission opportunity for you.


MAD AS A HARE
-------------
DEADLINE: March 31
GENRE: Short Stories, Nonfiction
DETAILS: Entries must be about personified animals in some way,
shape, or form. Beyond that, there are no limits! 2500 words or
fewer.
PRIZES: $50 first prize, $25 second prize
URL: http://www.scribophile.com/contests/mad-as-a-hare-contest/


Please check out the variety of anthology titles seeking submissions at Publishing Syndicate. I am co-creating Not Your Mother's Book...On Family. Go to the website, scroll down the left side menu and click on NYMB...On Family, where you can read my bio, and see two of my cuties. Guidelines here.

SUBMISSION OPPORTUNITIES thirty titles!

The news is out! St. Louis writers, Linda O’Connell and Dianna Graveman are working independently on two Publishing Syndicate anthologies in the Not Your Mother’s Book series. Linda is developing and seeking sassy, snappy, serious or humorous submissions for Not Your Mother’s Book…On Family.

Local author and owner of 2 Rivers Communications & Design, Dianna Graveman, is seeking first-person funny, insightful, or downright embarrassing submissions for Not Your Mother’s Book…On Being a Mom.

Dianna and Linda will collaborate on the promotion of both titles, and you are welcome to submit to both. Please submit the stories online via the online form only.

Possible Chapter Headings for Not Your Mother's Book...On Family (subject to change):
1. I'm No Chicken! (wild antics)
2. I'm Telling! You're in Trouble! (zany things you overheard, participated in or witnessed)
3. Dinner, down and dirty (stirring the pot, dishing it out, family mealtime)
4. Forget the closet! (discovering family skeletons in a drawer, under a mattress, in a letter)
5. I inherited what? (keepsakes, antiques, and quirks)
6. Waiting in line for the john, the jam and the juice (sharing cramped spaces, clothes)
7. Ringleaders (your family circus guru, leader of your pack)
8. Family reunions (unforgettable in so many ways; the missing link)

Submissions form and guidelines for story submissions can be found here:http://publishingsyndicate.com/publishing_syndicate/submissions/nymb_submit_guidelines.html
NOTE: If you don’t have a story that fits one of our two books, please check out the other great titles that are in need of stories!

From the Publishing Syndicate site about Not Your Mother’s Book…On Being a Mom:
While we’re looking for stories about the side of motherhood most of us have experienced or seen first hand, we would love to read stories about the side that most of us don’t talk about because it’s too embarrassing or silly! No need to explain: you know what we’re talking about. Now write about it!

Possible Chapter Headings for Not Your Mother’s Book…On Being a Mom (subject to change):
1. Challenge Accepted (getting the news, announcing to family)
2. New Parent Jitters (silly fears, bath time mishaps, babysitter debacles)
3. Call of the Wild (terrible twos, troublesome threes…)
4. OMG, How Embarrassing! (times when you’ve embarrassed your kids in public…or they’ve embarrassed you!)
5. If Everybody Else Jumped Off a Bridge… (Not under MY roof, mister!)
6. You Can’t Scare Me; I’m a Mom (mealtime mishaps, carpool catastrophes, clothing disputes and malfunctions, soccer mom disasters)
7. Birds Do It… (having “the talk,” noticing the opposite gender, beginning to date)
8. You Did WHAT? (testing the limits, parent-teacher conferences, teen shenanigans)
9. Driving Mom Crazy (teaching your teen to drive, getting the license, when your teen borrows—and dents—Mom’s or Dad’s car
10. Parting Words (helping your child prepare for college, first apartment, marriage

Ken and Dahlynn McKowen, owners of Publishing Syndicate, also produce a free monthly writing/publishing tips e-newsletter—The Wow Principles. With more than 2,000writers already subscribed, the e-newsletter has helped many to realize their dreams of becoming a published writer. There are also 70+ back issues available and topics range from travel writing to basic grammar rules to e-books to book-signing etiquette. Here’s the link:
http://publishingsyndicate.com/publishing_syndicate/newsletters/wow_newsletter.html

So you want a publishing credit or twenty-five? Can you hear me now?

The good news:
click here for a list of over twenty-five titles seeking YOUR stories.

If your story is accepted, you will receive ten copies of the book, and a publication credit. The publisher is a former Chicken Soup editor.

You can write with a saucy, PG 13 rated "voice", and I know a lot of you sassy pants out there can do this. I have already sent one off.

The bad news:
No monetary compensation. But just think of how fast you could rack up publishing credits. If this sounds like a fair trade off, check out the NOT YOUR MOTHER'S... call outs on the upper right hand menu of their page.

I personally think writers undervalue themselves when they work for peanuts all of the time. Your hairdresser, plumber etc. wouldn't do their jobs for a write up, so you decide. On the other hand, the ten books are yours to sell, so technically...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My husband finally decided last week that hearing aids were in order. He's had them adjusted twice. Yesterday he shouted into the bathroom as I was taking a shower,"You won't believe this, I'm picking up Morse Code in these things, dot-dot-dot dashhh. I have to get these things adjusted again!"

When I shower, I listen to the police scanner which we bought years ago during a tornado season. As nosy as I am, you'd think I'd have it on 24/7, but I listen to it for background noise only when I shower.

Sometimes when a call is being dispatched it is preceeded by a series of high pitched bleep-bleep-bleep-blipppppps which Bill intercepted loud and clear.

I laughed until my sides hurt.

The good news about his hearing aids: he can hear the slightest whisper. I no longer complain about the blaring TV, and I do not have to repeat myself and use exaggerated gestures anymore. They require batteries. So naturally, I messed with him when he said he heard the tiny indicator beep. I started mouthing what I was saying to him. "They went completely dead! I can't hear one word you're saying, speak up.

Oh you little..."

The bad news about his hearing aids: he can now hear my slightest whisper, "He makes me crazy leaving this mess!" He looked at me and said, "You do realize that I can hear everything you're saying now, right?" My tongue is sore from biting it.

The TV is so low, I can't hear it well, and if I turn it up, HE says it's too loud.

We are making adjustments, in fact he's going today for further tweaking.