Sunday, October 9, 2011

Cookies, better than a face lift

Get a bunch of hens together, or maybe I should say, a gaggle of gals of a certain age together, and the conversation is sure to turn towards crows feet, the old buzzards we live with and who's ruling the roost.

The cackling is always on the same topics: how to tame the frizzies, smooth the wrinkles, putty the pucker lines. Our birdbrain forgetfulness is bad enough, but to pass a mirror and wonder who that old hag with the sag is ... why, it can be plumb scary.

One woman said she had sent off for a brochure on a highly-publicized face lift. The TV commercial shows before and after pics: a woman with a neck wattle, then that same woman with a taut face and thin chin. In one photo she's the mom and the next she could be the daughter. Can you say, "Results may vary"? Mine would be the exception to the rule.

My friend said she was in the car headed for the consultation when she took out her reading glasses and put them over her bifocals to read the fine print on the brochure.

"They make an incison and insert a string. I'm not being a puppet; nobody's pulling my strings."

She was worried about someone yanking her string, but I was more worried about all of the what ifs: what if I smile too broadly and snap a string? Open my mouth too wide while brushing my teeth and snap the nylon, which may not be as strong as my dental floss? What if the knot came untied? What if they wrapped my excess neck flesh around each ear? They're wing nuts now.

No, as much as I'd like to have a firm flawless, face, I think I'll just have to live with this mug. The face creams fail me, the vertical lines above my hairy lip are deep enough to hide cookie crumbs ... oh did I tell you about going to St. Charles Old Town today and buying a dozen of Grandma's Cookies, those homemade, delicious, inch-thick snickerdoodles that melt in your mouth? I figure I'll, "Ooohh" and "ahhh" as I nibble, (alright, gobble) and pretend I'm doing facial isometrics. Heck, I've decided to just eat cookies until my lip lines plump.

Hmmm, now what was I talking about?

14 comments:

June Freaking Cleaver said...

Crows' feet mean you've had a lifetime of smiles - same with the wrinkles around your mouth.

Get glasses that aren't quite strong enough before looking in the mirror - you won't notice the wrinkles or the crumbs - eat the darned cookies.

Who wants to look like those scary Halloween mask-like faces after cosmetic surgery? They're scary!

K9friend said...

Cookies are good, but don't forget ice cream.

Pat
www.critteralley.blogspot.com

Bookie said...

Hey, there is something to the extra pounds! The round out the face and make the skin look younger! One of the Gabor sisters said once that a woman of a certain age must choose between her bottom and her face. Hum, pass the cookies!

Tammy said...

I agree with Bookie! A few extra pounds plump out the wrinkles! Thanks for the Monday morning laugh.

Cathy C. Hall said...

Ahhh, cookies. How can you possibly think of anything else when there are cookies around?

Um...what was I going to say??? :-)

Janet, said...

Fun post. It is hard, but we all need to learn how to grow old gracefully. I would never get plastic surgery, but hair color - sure, why not? I spent Saturday with my cousin and we had a great time, laughter makes growing old a little easier. And, a few extra pounds does plump out the wrinkles.

irishoma said...

Grandma's Cookies on Main Street in St. Charles are the best. Oatmeal raisin are my favorites.
When I go into the Homestead shop next door the scent is irresistible.
Donna

Chatty Crone said...

How much did those strings cost? sandie

Karen Lange said...

Please have a cookie for me! I think I'll skip the strings too. :) Happy Monday!

Bouncin' Barb said...

I wondered how they did that that. Now I know. Thank you. Not that I was interested or anything....lol.

Debora said...

Pass the cookies, and I'll pass on the facelift thank-you!

Lynn said...

You're so funny. Now I want a cookie.

Peggy Frezon said...

I agree with critter alley....we need ice cream to truly enjoy life!! Not much we can do about all those character lines!

BECKY said...

Linda, I've "partially" seen that "procedure" done on TV and it IS gross!! No strings for me, baby! AND in the teeny tiny print at the bottom, did you notice it says something like, Model has also had other cosmetic surgery (?) True! Look next time! AND oh yeah, Grandma's cookies! Mmmmmmm :)